tech

I was sitting in chat room, Feeling mildly amused, When I saw something strange, That left me all confused. Someone typed a word, (As far as I could tell) But I had never seen it. What is an LOL? Then the plot got thicker, More words I didn’t know, A person started typing, The word…

Have you ever had those days when your computer fucking sucks? Now you have a poem to say! I’m gonna get some Coke and a snack, This should be FUCKING WORKING by the time I get back.

Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandler. “The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money,” recalls Gates. “I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance…

Recently the following undocumented Windows 98 error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet: WinErr: 001 Windows loaded – System in danger WinErr: 002 No Error – Yet WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every file WinErr: 004 Erroneous…

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: SYSTEM’S ADMINISTRATOR SUBJECT: WARNING! C-NILE VIRUS … MUST READ: Just learned about this from a reliable source. It seems that there is a computer virus out there called the “C-Nile Virus” that even the most advanced programs from Norton cannot take care of, so be warned. It appears to affect those…

Is your computer male of female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., “Steady as she goes”, or “She’s listing to starboard, Captain!” Recently a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusions follow:…

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail…

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it’s a pretty good working solution. “No no,” says the physicist, “there’s a…

You know you’re a video game freak if … You hire a babysitter to watch your video games. When you go swimming you put your nintendo D.S. in the glove box so no one will try to commit a felony and try to steal it. You cry when your data gets deleted. When you lose…

There was a mad scientist (a mad …social… scientist) who kidnapped three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked each of them in separate cells with plenty of canned food and water – but no can opener. A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer’s cell and found it…

The following are real excerpts from Help Desk logs at real corporations. Or are they? 1. Help Desk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one… 2. Help Desk: And now hit F8. Customer: It’s not working. Help Desk: What did you do, exactly? Customer: I hit the ‘F’ key 8…

A woman named Denise couldn’t read her book. Her daughter Kelly was clicking away on the computer, but this time she was talking in a strange voice. Denise decided to go check on what Kelly was doing. “Kelly,” she said in a stern tone, “I told you no talking on the computer when I’m trying…