tech

  • What was I Thinking?

    All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and services, but they (obviously) didn’t think their domain names through. Some of them are prime candidates for the “What was I thinking?” Award…. ALL these websites actually exist, selling something totally benign (and work-safe, in case you’re wondering). 1. A site called ‘Who Represents’…

  • What We Know from Movies

    -It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. -A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. -If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. -Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication…

  • Laws of Computing

    When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. When the going gets tough, upgrade. For…

  • Top Ten Signs…

    Top Ten signs your co-worker is a computer hacker 10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000. 9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running. 8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network…

  • Programmer and a Princess

    A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back…

  • Thirteen-dimensional Space

    A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. “How did you like it?” the mathematician wants to know after the talk. “My head’s spinning,” the engineer confesses. “How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?” “Well, it’s not even difficult. All I do is visualize…

  • Windows95 Unrecorded Error Messages

    The following is a list of undocumented Windows 95 error codes which somehow got overlooked when printing the documentation. ——————————————————— ——————————————————— WinErr 001: Windows loaded – System in danger [Purchased Win95?] WinErr 002: No Error – Yet WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every file WinErr 004: Erroneous error –…

  • Digits of Zero

    Is zero a 1-digit number or a 0-digit number, or neither? You may think that 0 is a 1-digit number. However, this will make 00 a 2-digit number, 000 a 3-digit number, and so on. Leading zeros do not count towards the digits, and 0 itself is a leading zero. If you think that 0…

  • Airplane Maintenance

    “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem (S) = Solution (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire…

  • Top Secret Microsoft Code

    #include #include #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ #include /* For the court of law */ #define say(x) lie(x) #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year soon #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version void main() { if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) { if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix); if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); } while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) { make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */ if (rumours_grow_wilder) make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); if…

  • Computer Terms

    486 – The average IQ needed to understand a PC. State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford. Obsolete – Any computer you own. Microsecond – The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. G3 – Apple’s new Macs that make you say “Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for…

  • The Joys of E-mail

    I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what’s left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern…I…