tech

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system. “This is even worse than last year,” said the distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and stole my new security system…”

How do you know if a dummy has been sending e-mail? You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

Boy: Will you marry me? Girl: Are you kidding? You’re a geek while I need a man with a big bank account and a nice house! Boy: I have 1000 GBs in the cloud. Girl: Come on, that won’t even buy us a cabin in Texas! Boy: You don’t know sh*t, my EC2 account can…

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn’t solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance,…

Microsoft’s new “Cool User” Program REDMOND, WASHINGTON – In order to calm growing impatience among PC users concerning the repeated delays of its new Windows 95 operating system, Microsoft Corporation announced what it cal ls the “Cool User Program for Windows 95.” To participate in this offer, a user pays US$10,000 at which time he…

We regret to inform you, but by opening this email, you have just received the ‘Idiot Computer Virus’. Since our staff does not have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all files from your hard drive immediately, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank…

How do you know that you’re a computer geek? You catch a computer virus and take a virus scanning pill every week.

Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item…

Perhaps the Most Truthful: on Microsoft marketing: “There won’t be anything we won’t say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go.” Not on his mind while developing Win9X..circa 1981… “640K ought to be enough for anyjoke.” On the solid code base of Win9X… thanks WPW! “If you…

When a guy’s printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.…

A helicopter was flying in Seattle when suddenly an electrical malfunction disabled all electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the amount of fog, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. He spotted a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters.…

% cat “food in cans” cat: can’t open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman. % rm God rm: God nonexistent % ar t God ar: God does not exist] % ar r God ar: creating God % “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence? Unmatched “. % [Where is Jimmy…