tech

We regret to inform you, but by opening this email, you have just received the ‘Idiot Computer Virus’. Since our staff does not have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all files from your hard drive immediately, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank…

How do you know that you’re a computer geek? You catch a computer virus and take a virus scanning pill every week.

Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item…

Perhaps the Most Truthful: on Microsoft marketing: “There won’t be anything we won’t say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go.” Not on his mind while developing Win9X..circa 1981… “640K ought to be enough for anyjoke.” On the solid code base of Win9X… thanks WPW! “If you…

When a guy’s printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.…

A helicopter was flying in Seattle when suddenly an electrical malfunction disabled all electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the amount of fog, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. He spotted a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters.…

% cat “food in cans” cat: can’t open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman. % rm God rm: God nonexistent % ar t God ar: God does not exist] % ar r God ar: creating God % “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence? Unmatched “. % [Where is Jimmy…

Scientists gathered three musicians together and asked them to name the greatest invention of the 20th century. The guitarist said the “wah-wah pedal” was the greatest invention. After that, they asked the drummer and he said the “bass pedal” was the greatest invention. Then finally, when asking the bass player, he said the “Stanley thermos”…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hackers a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the inbox with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams. My…

Remember when ram meant just a male sheep And bugs and worms were just things that creep? When a gopher and a mouse were li’l critters And virus were microbes that gave one the shivers? When a web was a sticky net that housed a spider And nets were just strings all woven together? When…