Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back!
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she ran away from the ball!
Why was it hot after the basketball game?
Because all the fans were gone!
Why is tennis such a noisy game?
Because everyone raises such a racket!
What did the grape do when he got squashed?
He gave out a little whine!
What kind of key doesn’t fit into a keyhole?
A keyboard key!
How do you stop meatballs from drowning?
Put them in gravy boats.
What is the demons’ favorite TV sitcom?
Friends.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head and I’ll hang around.
Why is a river rich?
Because it has two banks.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They’re trying to get away from the noise.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head and I’ll hang around.
What do you call a 18 wheeler loaded with pigs?
An 18 squeeler – Submitted by Troy, age 5
What would you get if you crossed pasta with a snake?
Spaghetti that wraps itself around a fork.
What do you call the top of a dog house?
The Woof.
What vegetable has rhythm?
A Beet.
What awards to the give to wonderful Grandmothers?
The Grammies.
What kind of shirt always needs a shower?
A Sweatshirt.
What did they wear to the Boston Tea Party?
T-Shirts.