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  • Stupidest Bush Quotes Ever…

    “They misunderestimate me.” -Nov. 6, 2000 “Rarely is the question asked: Is out children learning?” -Jan. 11, 2000 “I aim to be a competitive nation.” -April 21, 2006

  • You Know You’re a Pothead When…

    You Know You’re a Pothead When… You think the song “Truckin’” by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem. Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle. Your bong is taller than your dog. It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint. You set your wedding date for 4/20. You…

  • R R A Y Y

    Can You Decipher This Phrase? R R A Y Y X-ray!

  • My Sunday

    “WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?” the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded. “Madam,” said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY.” There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a sight of resignation as she was heard…

  • My Brothers Sister

    I was at my friends house and we were bragging about how little we can eat. My friend J.B sister said some times I don’t eat all day. I asked her, “oh you fast?” Then she says, “No, I’m actually pretty slow.” Then her mom told her fasting is not eating for a long time.…

  • Job Descriptions

    An adult is a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. A cannibal is someone who is fed up with people. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. An…

  • Funny Lawsuits

    An inmate in Virginia sued himself for $5,000,000 for ‘violating his rights by getting himself in prison.’ However, since he can’t get an income in prison, he requests that the government pay the money for him. A woman sued Kenmore Inc., after she gave her poodle a bath. She stuck him in the microwave on…

  • Dangerous Dihydrogen Monoxide

    Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination,…

  • Mental Institute #2

    There was this guy in the mental institute who was taking his medicine that the nurse gave him. The same nurse was walking past his room and saw him shaking very vigorously. Intrigued, the nurse asked,”Dear patient, why are you shaking? Are you cold?” Still shaking, the patient replied, “No, my dear nurse, the bottle…

  • SEX THEORY

    A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone had sex. To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the…

  • Car Acronyms

    ACURA Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile Asia’s Curse Upon Rural America AMC All Makes Combined A Major Cost A Mutated Car A Morons Car Another Major Catastrophe AUDI Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Automobile Under Demonic Influence Another Ugly Deutsche Invention Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW Big Money…

  • Short Jokes

    Girl: Do you believe in puppy love? Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small. ———————————————————- Husband says; “When I’m gone you’ll never find another man like me.” Wife replied; “What makes you think I’d want another man like you?” ———————————————————- When I was young I used to pray for a bike,…