Age 27 – I’ve learned that I should never praise my mother’s cooking when I’m eating something fixed by my wife.
Age 30 – I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
Age 31 – I’ve learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little “do not remove” tags from pillows.
Age 42 – I’ve learned that marrying for money is the hardest way of getting it.
Age 52 – I’ve learned that if you like garlic salt and Tabasco sauce you can make almost anything taste good.
Age 53 – I’ve learned that after age 50 you get the furniture disease. That’s when your chest falls into your drawers.