Jokes

  • Redneck: Father-in-law

    You might be a redneck if your father-in-law said that you had no class, so you spit at him.

  • A Father Watched His Daughter…

    A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call…

  • The Dirtiest Word I Know

    Every time I hear the dirty word “Exercise”, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

  • The Bad Priest

    One day a man was walking down the road and saw the priest also walking. Since he knows the priest usually rides a bike he asks where it is. “Well, I woke up this morning and couldn’t find it,” he replies. “Oh. Well, here is an idea. When you go over the Ten Commandments in…

  • Brother, Will You Marry Me?

    My brother-in-law was a gay minister, so when his sister wanted a small, casual wedding, she asked him to officiate. He had never performed a marriage ceremony before, so he decided to ask his pastor for advice. “My sister has asked me to marry her,” he began, “and I’m not sure what I should do.”…

  • Dishes

    Knock-knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes me, who’s you? (This is me, who’s you.)

  • Attorney Nun

    What do you call a nun that becomes an attorney? Sister in law!

  • Today’s Economy

    The economy is so bad. . . if the bank returns your check marked ”Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them. The economy is so bad. . . a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

  • First Time Father

    A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, “What in the world are you doing?” He replied, “I’m waiting for…

  • Where Does Daddy Live?

    This reminds me of something yesterday at work. A colleague was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over 2 years old. They were discussing geography and… “Where does mommy live?” “Minneapolis.” “Where does grandma live?” “Baltimore.” “Where does grandpa live?” “Baltimore.” “And where does daddy live?” “At work!” Needless…

  • Midgets

    What is grosser than gross? When a midget walks by and says your hair smells nice!

  • STDs are deadly!

    Bill walked into his favorite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie, the bartender, “Where’s Beverly, the waitress?” “She’s dead,” replied the bartender. “Dead?” asked Bill. “She died from herpes,” said the bartender. Bill replied, “You don’t die from herpes.” “You do if you give it to Big Louie!” said the…