Jokes
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That’s My Car!
in JokesA lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule. “Alright,” the lawyer says, looking through his papers. “You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.” “What? That sounds like a car payment schedule,” retorted the client. “You’re right. It’s mine.”
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Charitable
in JokesI came out of a convenience store the other day and some seedy looking guy walks up to me and holds up a little sign: “DEAF & DUMB… Can you spare $10?” Wow! What happened to a dollar or 2? So I reached into my pocket for my wallet, opened it, took out a folded…
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French Alert
in JokesThere have been recent terrorist activities in France. Today the had to upgrade their security system from “Run” to “Hide”. If things get any worse they’ll have to go to “Surrender”, and then “Beg for Mercy”.
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If You Find…
in JokesIf you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow — even during a hurricane! — here is a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.
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Stupid Asked Questions
in JokesBelow are questions that people “actually asked” of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside Magazine) Grand Canyon National Park… Was this man-made? Do you light it up at night? I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom –…
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Did You Ever Get a Call Like This?
in JokesYou know, luckily they have this fraud protection thing going around. It’s supposed to save your butt if it’s happened to you. Capital one has it, Visa, Master Card, etc. If they notice some unusual activity, they’ll give you a call like this: “Hi, this is Capital One calling. We’ve noticed a lot of unusual…
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The Murder Trial
in JokesIn a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man…
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Dry Cleaners
in JokesA lady was at the bar when a guy started hitting on her. She said “I’ll send my pants to you from the dry cleaners, that way you can get into them on you own time.”
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The Foreign Man
in JokesThere was an foreign man who knew a little english and lived in a hotel. One day he told the waitress “I wanta fuck” the waitress said “what!!!” I wanta fuck, I wanta fuck on the table.” The waitress answered and said “you better not you son of a bitch” so the waitress left mad…