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Jokes

  • We, The Jury . .

    in

    As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed in a drum, and a…

  • More Chuck Norris

    in

    When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he dosent get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris’d. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse. It’s decendants are know as giraffes. Chuck Norris doesn’t need oxygen, oxygen needs Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn’t pay off debt, debt pays off Chuck Norris.

  • Blonde Pen Invintion

    in

    Q.) How does a blonde make a stainless ink pen? A.) She doesn’t put ink in it.

  • Computer Exercises

    in

    With the daily time taken working on computers, avoiding things like RSI and any strain related illnesses is crucial to maintaining a healthy working environment. The following excercise has been devised by medical experts in the field of RSI research to ensure that if performed, will place the exerciser in a position of minimal risk.…

  • X + Y + Z + T = 4 D

    in

    X-axis + Y-axis + Z-axis + time = 4 dimensions.

  • 4 Legs

    in

    Q: What’s green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree, can kill you? A: A pool table.

  • Definitions For Parents

    in

    Definitions For Parents ———————————————————– DUMB WAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: What you call…

  • Why Quit?

    in

    Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

  • French Polisher

    in

    One day an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, “How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?” “No,” replied the…

  • Stupid People

    in

    David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, Rhode Island, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from…

  • Ribbet

    in

    A kindergarden teacher had a pupil tell her he had found a frog. She inquired as to whether it was dead or alive. “Dead,” she was informed. “How do you know?” she asked. “Because I pissed in his ear,” said the child innocently. “You did WHAT?” squealed the teacher in surprise. “You know,” explained the…

  • Good Morning, Sisters

    in

    A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there, two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning, Sisters,” and they reply, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” This stuns the priest, who thought he had been very polite, but he…