Jokes

  • Smell So Bad

    Yo mamma smells so bad, when she went into the enchanted forest, all the skunks commited suicide!

  • The Jellybean

    Yo mamma so fat when she sat on a jelly bean it got lost between her butt and her backbone, and we have been looking for it still for 31 years.

  • Idiot Lawyer

    One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass”. The man replied, “I’m so poor, I can’t afford a thing to eat.” So the laywer said, “Poor guy, come back to…

  • Spaghetti Tree

    When I saw that item, I said to my wife, “I don’t think spaghetti grows on trees”, so we’d looked it up in Encyclopædia Britannica. Do you know, Miall, Encyclopædia Britannica doesn’t even mention spaghetti.

  • Weapons

    Once in medieval times…there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest “Weapon”. The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon… he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound…

  • Snakes in Court

    Why do snakes always lose in court? Answer: They don’t have a leg to stand on!

  • World Revolution

    Midnight Petrograd… A night watch spots a shadow trying to sneak by. “Stop! Who goes there? Documents!” The frightened person chaotically shuffles through his pockets and drops a paper. A soldier picks it up and reads slowly, with difficulty: “U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis”… “Hmm… a foreigner, sounds like…” “A spy, looks like…. Let’s shoot him on the…

  • IPhone

    With iPhone, dialing contacts is a snap. Let’s say you wanted to contact your ex-girlfriend to let her know how badly she’s hurt you. Simply press her name, and the call is dialed. “Dammit, Rick, stop calling me!” Then, when another call comes in, simply place that call on hold and answer the second one.…

  • From a TRUE Friend

    Aren’t you tired of those stupid, mushy greeting cards down at the card store? Here’s what a real friend would send to another… Dear friend, When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad… When you are blue, I will try to…

  • Mt. Rushmore

    Did you know that the goverment finds Native American chiefs more important than presidents? The new head on Mt. Rushmore is at least twice the size of the others. It’s the head of an Indian!

  • Speed Limit

    Q.What is the speed limit for sex? A. 68, at 69 you have to turn around!

  • Honecker II

    Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: “Good morning, dear Sun!” The sun replies: “Good morning, dear Erich!” Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: “Good day, dear Sun!” The sun replies: “Good day, dear Erich!” In…