5W1H boo!

Jokes

  • Bloodshot

    in

    A policeman pulls over a reckless driver along the road. Going up to the driver’s window, he takes one look and notes, “Your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The driver looks up out of those bloodshot eyes and responds, “Your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”

  • THINK YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY?

    in

    THINK YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY…. check it out these actual cases. Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.…

  • Sergeant Rosenbloom

    in

    During World War II, a sergeant gets a telephone call from a woman. “We would love it,” she said, “if you could bring five of your soldiers over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner.” “Certainly, ma’am,” replied the sergeant. “Oh… just make sure they aren’t Jews, of course,” said the woman. “Will do,” replied the…

  • The Magic Mirror

    in

    A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four”. Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell…

  • Sound Advice

    in

    At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical, tell jokes, sing – and stay home at night!” An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if…

  • Dinner Party Intruders

    in

    During a dinner party, the hosts’ two small children entered the dining room naked and proceeded to parade slowly around the table. Embarrassed, the parents pretended nothing was happening and continued to converse with their guests. The guests co-operated and also carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. After they finished…

  • Graduated Cylinder

    in

    What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? “You may have graduated, but I have several degrees.”

  • Mozart

    in

    Fill in the blanks such that the second blank is the reverse action of the first one: The famous musician Mozart ________ symphonies when he was alive and __________ after he died. Composed and decomposed.

  • M.U.N.S.A. Application Form

    in

    Have you an unusual Intelligence? Do you find you lose interest in supposedly “Interesting movies”? It could be that you’re one of the 5% of the population that has the mental capacity of a steaming turd! If so, you may want to join M.U.N.S.A. – Mentally Unemployed and Noticeably Stupid Association. Try the questionnaire below.…

  • bar at the Grand Canyon

    in

    A guy walks into a bar right at the top of the Grand Canyon. Another patron comes up to him and says “did you know the air currents in the canyon are so strong you can jump off and they pull you right back up?” “What?!” the man said “you must be drunk.” “No really,…

  • You Might be Drunk If…

    in

    1. You’ve named that purple elephant that follows you everywhere. 2. Vision Imparment goggles don’t change anything. 3. You earn $30 by counting your money again. 4. You use your beer belly as a coffee table. 5. You fly home every night. 6. Your wife keeps telling you not to light the house on fire…

  • Questions..

    in

    The following are questions the answers to I wish I knew: If one hermaphrodite dates another hermaphrodite, are they gay, straight or bisexual? Why does the cat always use the litter box right before I need to brush my teeth? Who is Murphy and what sad life did he lead to have that law named…