Jokes

  • Marketing Techniques

    Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean? ———————————————————- NEW – Different color from previous design. ALL NEW – Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. EXCLUSIVE – Imported product. UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition. FOOLPROOF OPERATION – No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.…

  • Nu Problemu

    Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke…

  • What The…!!

    A guy walks into a strip club and sees a really pretty girl right in front of him. He goes up to her and asks, “Hey, Honey, want to come home with me?” She says yes. They go back to his house that night and they have sex. Throughout this whole time he hasn’t been…

  • Smart Dog

    As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light,…

  • English Lecture

    A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the…

  • Limerick Contest

    This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the words Lewinski and Kaczynski in a limerick. Here are the 3 winners. Entry # 1 There once was a gal named Lewinsky Who played on a flute like Stravinsky ‘Twas “Hail to the Chief” on this flute made of beef that…

  • Poetryyyy

    There once was a very old man, whose verses no one could scan. And when they asked, “Why?” he said, “I don’t know, I “just put too many words in the last line, I guess.”

  • Nicest Thing About a Nudist Wedding?

    What’s the nicest thing about a nudist wedding? You don’t have to ask – you can see who the best man is.

  • Sanitarium

    A doctor came to a sanitarium to check up on the patients. He sees that everyjoke is walking around with an empty leash. So he asks a few patients what they are doing. They all answered that they are taking their dog out on a walk. Only one of the patients said “What are you,…

  • A Couple of animal Jokes

    Two kangaroos were living in a zoo pen with a 20-foot high fence. One morning, both kangaroos were found wandering around the zoo, and were quickly put back in their pen, and the fence was put up to 30 feet. Next morning, they were found outside again, so the fence was made 40 feet high.…

  • I Wonder

    “I wonder if my friend, Kent as submitted a joke about me saying how brave I am.”

  • The Pickled Penis

    There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a gypsy and told her her problem. The gypsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said “All you have to…