Jokes

  • Open Mind

    The problem with keeping an open mind is that all my ideas tend to fall out.

  • So Drunk He Can’t Walk

    A drunk is out drinking and he gets really wasted. He looks at the time and it’s 3 a.m. He screams and heads home before his wife screams at him. He tries to walk but he can’t. His legs won’t work. Figuring he’s too drunk to walk home he crawls. It was long and hard…

  • Pushup

    Yo momma so fat and stupid that I told her to show me a pushup and she brought me one from the Ice Cream Man.

  • A Mile in His Shoes

    You never know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. But if you walked a mile in their shoes wouldn’t their feet get cold?

  • Yo Momma So Poor

    Yo mamma is so poor she has only got two channels on her T.V. : ‘on’ and ‘off’.

  • Sneeze

    A 6 year old was in a car with her parents. She kept having sneezing fits, and she kept splattering snot all over the seats. Eventually, the Mum and Dad gave up on trying to stop the sneezing, and told the little girl to put her hands up when she sneezed. The little girl did…

  • Series of Lightbulbs

    1. How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. 2. How many Candains does it take to change a lightbulb? One to whack it out with his hockey stick, and one to screw in the new one. 3. How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? One to screw…

  • In an Elevator

    A smart blonde, a leprachaun and a fairy were in an elevator together talking about something, but whatever they were talking about was not true because there is no such thing as a leprechaun or a fairy or a smart blonde.

  • joke Doubles

    The eight Saddam joke doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, ‘I have some good news and some bad news.’ They ask for the good news first. Aziz says, ‘The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all…

  • May Day Parade

    The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had…

  • Doctor Doctor!!!

    “Doctor! I have a serious pronblem, I can never remember what I just said.” “When did you first notice this problem?” “What problem?”

  • The Wizard

    So there’s this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following sign: “This parking space belongs to the Wizard. … Violators will be toad.”