5W1H boo!

Jokes

  • Fun

    in

    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn…that was fun!”??

  • Being Over 50

    in

    Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages… 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run into a burning building. 4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?” 5. People no longer…

  • Upon Reflection . . .

    in

    They sat in the comer of Mulligan’s refurbished bar, opposite a huge new floor-to-ceiling mirror. Suddenly Pat spotted their reflection across the room. “Mick! Mick!” he whispered. “Don’t look now, but there’s two fellas over there that’s the image of us!” “In the name of God,” said Mick, spotting the reflection, “and they’re wearing identical…

  • Illegal Turn

    in

    A father in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light, where it wasn’t allowed. “Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” he said. “That’s OK, Dad,” his son replied. “The police car right behind us did the same thing.”

  • All the Honesty

    in

    A man, standing before a censor, is about to testify, whether he has a wife. The censor asks: -Do you have, in all your honesty, a wife? -I surely do, but not in all my honesty.

  • Assorted Windows95 One-Liners 5

    in

    If at first you don’t succeed…work for Microsoft.

  • Learn To Keep Time

    in

    A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, “Either you learn to keep time or I’ll throw you overboard. . . . It’s up to you, sync or swim.”

  • The Diamond

    in

    Their was a very rich old lady that died.Before she died she gave all her money and stuff to her children and grandchildren. She had one thing left to give out. It was a diamond. She said she hid it in a cylinder with squares. A grandchild said he knew where it was. Where was…

  • Death

    in

    3 men were on the way to Heaven, but God would only let the man with the worst death in. The first man says, “Well, I was on the way to my apartment because I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So when I got to my apartment on the 3rd story, my wife…

  • During the Church Service…

    in

    During the church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, “I apologize for crying so much. I’m usually not such a big boob.” The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, “That’s okay. We like big…

  • Painting

    in

    One day in summer, Jack was going to visit his friend John. When he got to his house, he saw John, who was dressed in his warmest winter coats. “What are you doing? Are you nuts? It’s the middle of summer!” cried Jack. “I am painting my house. And on the can, it says you…

  • Sign of the Times

    in

    What kind of sign does a prostitute hang on her door when she goes on vacation? “GO SCREW YOURSELF!”