Jokes
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Candy Dispenser
in JokesWhile I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. “How does that thing work?” she asked. As I turned the figurine’s arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. “I see … it’s a lot like my husband,” she said. “You have to…
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Good Lawyers v Great Lawyers
in JokesWhat’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
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Real Dilbert Quotes
in JokesA magazine recently ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists: 1. “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards…
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The Ladder of Success
in JokesHarry and his neighbour Joe often borrowed things from each other. One day, Harry asked to borrow Joe’s ladder. Joe said, “Sorry Harry, I’ve lent it to my son.” Remembering a saying that his grandma often used to tell him, Harry said, “Joe, you should never lend anything to your children because you’ll never get…
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The Good Stuff
in JokesWhat does a blonde and a screendoor have in common? The harder you bang them the looser they get. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Get dressed and go home
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Can’t Be Right EVERY Time!
in Jokes“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.” – Western Union internal memo, 1876. “The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nojoke in particular?” – David Sarnoff’s associates in…
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He’s the Boss
in JokesThe boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch,…
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Dolphin Safe Tuna
in JokesWhile shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, “I wonder why?” The blonde replied, “Must be because the oil would suffocate them.”