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Jokes

  • Words of Advice

    in

    Never buy a toothbrush at a yard sale. Never buy a parachute that was used once and never opened before. Never sell computers for free at your garage sale. Trust me, there are many more ways to demolish your house. Never put bathroom humor up on the internet. Never watch American Idol auditions with Coke…

  • Amazing Facts 20

    in

    The Year 2038 Problem…………………….. Test it now… Steps… 1. Login to yahoo messenger 2. Send instant message to anyone – fine, it’s working… 3. Now, change your system date to 19-Jan-2038, 03:14:07 AM or above (as mentioned in mail) 4. Confirm whether your date is changed 5. Again send instant message to anyone… Your YM…

  • Helping the Boys in Blue

    in

    How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it turned itself in.

  • Things to Do at McDonalds

    in

    Things to do at a McDonalds drive thru! 1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside. 2. Drive through backwards. 3. Belch your order. 4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable…

  • Camel Starter

    in

    There was once this guy who was on a quest to cross the Sahara desert solo, we will call him Simon, for that is a good name for a camel rider. Well he started out and things were going along just fine for weeks, however gradually he noticed a change in his camel, slowly but…

  • Home Economics For Men

    in

    1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop. 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral. 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead. 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? – You CAN Tell the Difference! 6. Accepting Loss I: If…

  • Men in General

    in

    What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure. Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. How are husbands…

  • 2012

    in

    “So I was talking to my family and we were doing a family get together session, you know the one teens dread? That one. And my mom asks me, ‘if you could ask one person 2 questions, what would ask them?’ So I thought and decided to “question” the director of the movie 2012.” Me:…

  • I’m Hungry!

    in

    One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre stayed late and all started to feel hungry. They decided to order in food by phone, but their boss thought that, since they worked with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After they contacted a fast food chain’s web site and…

  • bar Translations

    in

    bar Translations 1. “YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME.” (We won’t be here long enough to get another round.) 2. “I’LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU.” (Happy hour is about to end…drafts are now a dollar,but by the next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.) 3. “HEY, WHERE IS…

  • Astronaut

    in

    An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, “How do you feel?” “How would you feel,” the astronout replied, “if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?”

  • Forget Your Troubles

    in

    Doctor: “Stop worrying so much. Forget your troubles. Throw yourself into your work.” Patient: “But, Doc, I mix paint for a living!”