Jokes

  • Nothing Hurts

    An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night’s sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me!” “Why not?” he asks. She answers back, “Because I’m dead.” The husband says, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to…

  • Long and Hard

    What to a blonde is long and hard? 4th Grade

  • Favorite Artists…

    There was a woman who absolutely loved the music of Billy Joel and Paul McCartney. She loved them so much she decided to have their images tattooed on her joke. She went to a tattoo parlor and told the artist she wanted Billy Joel tattooed on her left thigh, and Paul McCartney tattooed on her…

  • Schizophrenic

    I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other

  • Badminton

    My dog Minton has eaten my shuttle cock. Bad Minton!

  • Busy Blonde

    How do you keep a blonde busy? Write with a sharpie and tell her to erase it.

  • Class

    Yo momma is so fat when she sits down in class she sits by everyone.

  • For Fat People

    Yo Momma’s so fat she’s fatter than you

  • The Garage Window

    There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back. Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. “How do you…

  • Looking For Daddy

    A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience. The man said, “Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew.” “Really?” said the ringmaster. “Did…

  • A Little Old Lady

    Knock-Knock Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel!

  • Mee-ow!

    If there are 12 cats on a fence and 1 cat jumps off, how many are left? None, they’re all copycats!