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Jokes

  • Gene Pitney

    in

    Gene Pitney dies, and his widow is told that the coffin would take a week if it was made from Oak – but only 24 hours from Balsa!

  • Just Another Political Joke…

    in

    A couple who is having problems in their marriage decide to go on a talk show. The wife complains that her husband does not listen to her and is ungrateful. She blames this on her husband’s career. The host asks the man, “Has being in politics had any affect on your sex life?” Bill Clinton…

  • Reindeer at a bar

    in

    One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar, and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof. As he handed…

  • Hatched, Matched, and Despatched

    in

    When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we get married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?

  • Who’s the Dumb One Now

    in

    Two bosses were talking about how dumb their blond assistants are. The first boss says, “You think your assistant is dumb, watch this.” And the man calls over the blond and says “Go to my house and see if I’m home.” So the blond says “Yes sir! Right away sir!” and away she goes. The…

  • Control Yourself

    in

    A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother said to her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Brenda, we just…

  • Radio DJ

    in

    The blonde teenage girl had long been infatuated with a popular local disc jockey and finally got to meet him when the station held an open house. When she seductively suggested they get better acquainted, he took her into a vacant studio and unzipped his pants. “I suppose you know what this is?” he whispered.…

  • Board

    in

    These two guys had both just gotten divorced, and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends, and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go, and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a…

  • Note to Wife

    in

    An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he…

  • What are You Doing?

    in

    A man was seen walking through downtown with a desk strapped to his back, a typewriter under one arm, and a wastebasket under the other. He was stopped by a policeman, asked what he was doing, and arrested when he replied, . . . “Impersonating an office, sir!”

  • Adoptosaurus

    in

    There was a quirky breed of dinosaur called an “Adoptosaurus”. Adoptosauruses laid eggs and often times forgot where they laid them or whose eggs were who’s. Basically, they “adopted” the eggs they found and claimed them as their own. Adoptosauruses didn’t eat meat because it wasn’t apart of their dino-religion. They thought eating meat made…

  • Information

    in

    how geese fly (in formation)