Jokes
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Quick Wit
in JokesWhile reading a newspaper, Morty came across an article about a beautiful actress marrying a football player who was not noted for his IQ. “I’ll never understand,” he said to his wife, “Why do the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.” His wife replied, “Why, thank you, dear.”
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Definition of Diplomacy
in JokesDiplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
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Peer Pressure?
in JokesReporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
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The Perfect Mate
in JokesWe have found the perfect mate for all of you ladies out there. This mate… will always stop watching t.v. and cuddle with you without expecting something in return. Is always happy to hear about your day when you get home. Never complains about your cooking, or lack of. Never gets mad when you roll…
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Questionable Questions
in JokesWhy do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using? Why do they call them “apartments” when they are all stuck together? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why do they sell a…
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Grand Job(!)
in Jokes“They’re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.” – Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
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Human Resources
in JokesOne day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Director was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul was met at the Pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St Peter, “Before you get settled in, it seems we have a problem. You see, we’ve never had…
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Women’s Fantasy
in JokesIn a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman’s ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in…
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Grandma’s Shrimps
in JokesOne day little Billy went screaming to his mom, “Mommy! Mommy! Theres a shrimp stuck between grandma’s legs!” His mother, intruiged by this, brought Billy to grandma, who was sleeping on the bed with her legs apart. The mother looked and laughed and said, “Why, that’s not a shrimp! That’s her privates, a vagina!” Billy…
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Where Did They Sign the Declaration?
in JokesWhere did they sign the Declaration of Independence? At the bottom.