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Jokes

  • You Mamma is SO Poor

    in

    Yo mamma’s so poor, she can’t afford to go on welfare. Yo mamma’s so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter. Yo mamma’s so poor, she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine. Yo mamma’s so poor, a burgler broke into her house and left her some money.

  • It’s Unhealthy to be Upset

    in

    The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes,” the boy’s mother answered. “And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked. “Who…

  • What was I Thinking?

    in

    All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and services, but they (obviously) didn’t think their domain names through. Some of them are prime candidates for the “What was I thinking?” Award…. ALL these websites actually exist, selling something totally benign (and work-safe, in case you’re wondering). 1. A site called ‘Who Represents’…

  • What’s Gray, Has Four Legs, and a Trunk?

    in

    What’s gray, has four legs, and a trunk? A mouse on vacation.

  • Fifty-five

    in

    Policeman: “When I saw you coming around the corner, I said to myself, `fifty-five at least.’” Woman driver: “Well, you are a long way off! It’s this hat that makes me look so old!”

  • Iraqi Fighters

    in

    There was an Iraqi force moving thru the desert. As they were approaching some mountains they heard (from over the mountains) “One U.S. Marine can take out 10 Iraqi fighters!” The General of the army sent out ten of his men to take care of the american, none of them came back after some shooting.…

  • 5 Jokes (14)

    in

    1 What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do. 2 Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers every month? Because it says on it “good for up to 20 pounds.” 3 Why did the blonde…

  • 3 Bananas

    in

    A poor homeless man had 3 bananas; he had stolen one from a first grader, one from a fruit vendor, and the other was given to him by a humble old lady. Along with the banana, the humble old lady gave him bus fare, partly because she wanted him to leave, and partly because she…

  • Stupid Things Said in Soccer

    in

    Stupid Things Said In The World Of Soccer: 1. Well, it’s Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I’ve got to fancy Liverpool for the win. 2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long. 3. And so they have not been able to improve on their…

  • Five Finger Discount

    in

    My friend and I were in a record store to buy a 45-speed record of his favourite song. After he located it, he realized that he had forgotten his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decided to get a five-finger discount (shoplift) so he put it down his pants. Well, as…

  • Think About This…

    in

    Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?

  • Untitled

    in

    Two babies were born in the same hospital on the same day and ended up in adjacent basinettes in the nursery. Eighty-five years later, by coincidence, each of them is admitted to the same hospital with a “terminal” diagnosis, and they end up in the same two-bed semi-private room. And one of them rolls over…