Jokes

  • Give a Man a Fish

    Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he’s warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he’s warm for the rest of his life.

  • Oops! Sorry, Mom!

    One night, a man and his wife decide to go out on a date. They get all dolled up, call the cab, and put the cat out. When the cab arives, they head out the door just as the cat darts back inside. The man head backs in to chase out the cat, and his…

  • Recommended Reading

    “Please Don’t Hurt Me” by I. Bruce Easily “Life Through the Eyes of a Drunk” by Al Coholic “Thirty yards to the outhouse” by Will E. Makeit (illustrated by Betty Wont) “The Proper Use of Sunscreens” by Justin Casey Burns “How To Cure Scratching” by Ivan Awfulich “Discount Alternatives” by Robin Stuff

  • Black Oral Sex

    WARNING: Racial insult to a black person. Why could a black person never get oral sex? Because the black person would taste like horribly burned food.

  • Inflation

    Have you heard, Putin ordered the government to arrest the inflation. Well, not exactly, he ordered to have it arrested…and jailed.

  • Spare Keys

    One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car. “If I take them out of the car I lose them,” she reasoned. “Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?” the husband countered. “Oh that’s okay,” the wife chirped happily, “I keep a…

  • TO GOD FROM THE DOG

    Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch…or is it going to be the same old story? Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray,…

  • History Of

    Started a great book the other day – I couldn’t put it down. It’s called “The History of Glue”!

  • Idaho

    Knock-Knock Who’s there? Idaho. Idaho who? I da hoe!!!

  • Wooden Eye

    When I was in high school I had a friend who had a wooden eye (this was a long time ago). He was very insecure about it. Come senior year he didn’t have a date for the Prom. There was a beautiful girl he liked, but had a hairlip (this gave her an extreme lisp)…

  • Indiana Jones

    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question: “How many D’s are there in “INDIANA JONES?” The brunette thinks for a…

  • 2 Little Pigs

    Two guys decided to go buy two pigs. So after they bought them they wanted to know which one was who’s. So they went to the barn but when they got there the two pigs were fighting. After they broke them up one pig was missing a ear. So one guy said, “What are we…