CLUES TO CALLING IT A NIGHT – YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO GO HOME WHEN:
1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.
2. You’ve just had to get someone to help you pull your undies up in the toilets.
3. You suddenly decide you want to start a fight.
4. In your last trip to the bathroom you realise you now look more like GAIL from Coronation Street than the sex pot you were just 4 hours ago.
5. You drop your 3 a.m. chips on the floor of AbraKebabra and pick them up & carry on eating.
6. You start crying.
7. There are less than 3 hours before you’re due to start work.
8. You’ve found a deeper side to nerdy gimp from payroll.
9. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.
10. You’ve forgotten where you live.
11. You start to sound like Tina Turner from the cigarettes you’ve smoked. Oh, and as you have mentioned 10 TIMES by now, you only smoke when you drink.
12. You yell at the barman, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just tonic, but that’s just because you can no longer taste the Vodka.
13. You think you’re in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like pizza..
14. You start every conversation with a booming, “Don’t take this the wrong way but…”
15. You fail to notice that the toilet lid’s down when you sit on it.
16. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
17. You no longer smell of Chanel No.5 and instead reek of a pot-pourri of vomit and Heineken.
18. You’re out-burping the lads.
19. You just HAVE to tell your friends that you love them so much, just one more time.
20. You’re at a table of strangers, flashing your tits, and you don’t remember how you got there.
21. You’re so tired so you just sit on the floor.
22. You smile to yourself like a some lunatic off the happy bus, unable to speak and have pint of soda water in your left hand and a bottle of bud in the right. Oh – and you have lost your keys, phone, money and bank cards