Two Frenchmen came to New York for a vacation. The first thing they did leaving the hotel was to buy an American-French dictionary. Without a guide, they decided to learn English word by word in the simplest way they could think of — continuously browsing through the dictionary, picking at random a certain word and look up its definition.
So they went into a coffee shop and started off right away. The first word they came upon happened to be “Ouch” which was defined as “an interjection used to express a mixed feeling of surprise, sudden pain and anger.” It was then that they suddenly realized they did not have the slightest idea what those cryptic pronunciation symbols might sound like. Thinking hard, one of the Frenchmen finally came up with a bright idea:
“Well, don’t worry, mon ami. I suppose the best way for us to learn how to pronounce that word is to get a native say it out loud!”
“But how? I’m afraid nojoke in this busy town is going to help us,” said the other guy.
“They will, even if they don’t want to, mon ami,” smiled the first man. “Do you see that jolie blonde walking out there? Yes, there! Go out and pinch her cute tits as hard you can! Listen carefully for the “ouch” she should be uttering; you can be sure that’s the most authentic pronunciation we’ll ever get!”
The other Frenchman nodded with a wink and went out for his awkward assignment. A moment later he came back looking completely dumbfounded. He told his friend in a doubtful voice,
“Bon Dieu, did I think English is easy, duh! I didn’t expect this simple word alone could have such a hell of a long and messy pronunciation!”
“Come on, what did you hear then?”
“She pronounced the word something like ‘dzou gah-daime mah-de-feuck-igne aiss-haule’. Isn’t that amazing !!”