One day, John dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he meets the demon.
Demon: “Why so sad, my friend?”
John: “What do you think? I’m in hell!”
Demon: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin’ man?”
John: “Sure, I love to drink.”
Demon: “Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer…We drink till we throw up and then drink some more.”
John: “Gee, that sounds great!”
Demon: “You a smoker?”
John: “You better believe it.”
Demon: “Allright! You’re gonna love Tuesday. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it’s ok, you’re already dead!”
John: “Golly”
Demon: “I bet you like to gamble.”
John: “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.”
Demon: “Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it.”
John: “Wow!”
Demon: “You like to use drugs?”
John: “Well, I love to use drugs. You don’t mean…”
Demon: “That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can use all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it’s ok… You’re already dead!”
John: “Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin’ place!”
Demon: “You gay?”
John: “Uhhhhh, no!!”
Demon: “Ohhhh…. you’re gonna hate Fridays….”