She does not HATE TELEVISED sport – she is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She has not BEEN AROUND – she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – she commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GO SHOPPING – she is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIR HEAD – she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY – she achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID – she is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – she has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not NAG YOU – she becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.