She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – she is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK – she is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – she is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED – she is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not want to be MARRIED – she wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT – she is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT – she engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB – she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY – she is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE – she is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.