“Hard drive” —
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
“Keyboard” —
1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you’re supposed to put da keys so da wife can find ’em.
“Window” —
Place in the truck to hang your guns.
“Floppy” —
When you run out of Polygrip.
“Modem” —
1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)
“ROM” —
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
“Byte” —
First word in a kiss-off phrase.
“Reboot” —
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
“Network” —
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
“Mouse” —
1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.
“LAN” —
To borrow as in, “Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.”
“Cursor” —
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
“Bit” —
A wager as in, “I bit you can’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.”
“Digital Control” —
What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
“Packet” —
What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
“Tab” —
The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.
“Space bar” —
Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.
“Backspace” —
The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.
“Alt” —
Form of verb “be” like, “I alt be gone now.”
“Delete” —
The lighter object like, “Don’t gimmy the heavy one, gimmy delete one.”
“My Briefcase” —
What you put all your ol’ stuff in when “she” gets mad at you.
“Shift” —
What you must do when blue lights come on.
“Disc” —
What you do before you plow, to level the ground.
“Ram” —
1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work.
“Rom” —
Wander: “Wher’ ya goin?” “Ah dunnow. Recon I’ll jus rom round”
“Refresh” —
Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.
“Browser” —
Bowser’s name when you’re drunk.
“Web” —
DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.
“Edit” —
Past tense of “eat” “Wher’d that leftover possum belly go?” ” You edit afore you passed out las nite.
“Gig” —
Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.
“Internet” —
Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).
“Buddy list” —
Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.
“Tab” —
Ancient soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.
“Computer Chips” —
What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.
The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).
“Shift” —
What you do to get that truck to go.
“Ins” —
To Enter, as in, “Ins ya go, outs you go”.
The following were contributed by Sonovabic.
“Scanner” —
1. What you do to a good lookin’ woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.
The following were taken from Net Dummy Humor.
“Log On” —
Making da wood stove hotter.
“Log Off ” —
Don’t add wood.
“Monitor” —
1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin. (from Tweetheart86chic)
“Megahertz” —
When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.
“Floppy Disk” —
What you get from piling too much wood.
“Drive” —
Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.
“Prompt” —
What you wish da mail was during the snow season.
“Enter” —
Come on in.
“Windows” —
What you shut when it gets 10 below.
“Screen” —
What is a must during black fly season.
“Chip” —
What you munch during Wildcat’s games.
“Microchip” —
What’s left in da bag when da chips are gone.
“Dot Matrix” —
Eino Matrix’s wife.
“Laptop” —
Where da grandkids sit.
“Software” —
Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.
“Mainframe” —
Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.
“Port” —
Where da commercial fishin boats dock.
“Random Access Memory” —
Whan you can’t remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.
This is from an unknown source.
“Fonts” —
That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.
“Laptop” —
Where the stripper sits.