animal

A man was buying a horse and was given a few simple instructions. To make the horse walk, he would say “few.” To make the horse run, he would say “many.” To make the horse stop he would say “amen.” On the man’s first ride all was going well. “few!” the man shouted and the…

Q: What’s the worst time to be a rat or a mouse? A: When it’s raining cats and dogs!

An ant and an elephant got married. After they had sex, the elephant had a heart attack and died. “Crap,” the ant said. “Five minutes of passion and now the rest of my life digging a grave.”

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the knowing) in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that…

Two mice were waiting for the right time to get out of their mouse hole, because a cat was meowing on the other side. After a few minutes, the meowing stopped and was replaced by the “woof, woof!” of a dog. Thinking it was okay to come out, the mice crawled out of their hole…

Why did the rooster cross the road? To fuck the chicken.

What is a chicken’s favorite type of joke? The human who crossed the road!!!

What do you call a horse that escaped from jail? A Zebra.

What is it called when an insect kills themself? Pesticide!

How do you get a mouse to smile? Say Cheese!

Q: What’s the difference between a rabbit and a cow? A: One’s a rabbit and one is a cow

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?