atwork

Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicles who resigned on Tuesday? He tried to resign on Monday, but discovered he’d been standing in the wrong line.

What door cannot be pushed, even by 10 people simultaneously? The door that says: PULL

Employee: *making out a rain check* “Okay, so I’m just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item.” Nice customer: “Okay, thanks.” Angry customer: “Stop f***ing socializing and do your g**d*** job!” Employee: “Sir, please don’t be abusive, I’m just checking our other loc-” Angry customer: “I don’t…

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the…

The pressure of a workday can bring out the weirdness in people. Possibilities for stupidity are endless. Here are some real conversations: Boss: “You make too many mistakes! You’re not very consistent.” Cube Dweller: “Well, you can’t be consistent all the time.” Cashier: “And what form of payment will you be using today?” Customer: “Money.”…

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or woman)…

Lemon Grove A woman was applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove. When the foreman looked over her application, he felt she was far too qualified for the job. “Look, Miss Carter,” said the foreman, “do you have any actual experience in picking lemons?” “Oh, yes, I certainly do,” she replied. “I’ve been…

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be…

A new intern at Heart & Cross Hospital was looking for an experienced doctor to sign off on him sending a patient to surgery. He saw a nicely tanned man giving orders to someone else so he walked up to him. “Could you sign this for me?” he asked. The man signed the sheet and…

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Indecision is the key to flexibility. Hang in there, retirement is only 30 years away! Aim low; reach your goals; avoid disappointment. Teamwork means never having to take the blame yourself. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. If…

A young man was in the process of taking a verbal exam to join the local police force. “If you’re driving a police car, alone on a country road at night, and are being chased by a group of criminals driving sixty miles an hour, what would you do?” he was asked. Without hesitation, the…

An engine driver was taken to court because he derailed a train. The judge asked, “Why did you derail the train?” The engine driver replied, “A man ran in front of the tracks.” The judge replied, “You are a fool. You derailed a train and killed hundreds of people just because of one man, you…