bar

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?” “No.” A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly. “That’s not my dog.”

A man walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a beer. The whole bar is looking at the man curiously as he sits down. The bartender looks at his nice suit and tie and asks him if he’s from around here. The man replies, “No sir, I’m from Pennslyvania.” The bartender asks the…

There were three men at a bar. One of them ducked and the other two fell down because they hit the bar.

A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk, “Do you live here?” “Yep,” replied the drunk. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” And again the drunk replied, “yep.” When they got up on the second floor,…

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us…

One day a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any corn?” and the bartender says, “No, we only sell beer.” The next day the man walks into the bar again and asks for corn but this time the bartender says, “Hey, you are the guy that asked for corn…

After Great Britain’s Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided it would be fun to hit a pub in London and go out for a beer. The first sits down and says, “Hey, Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it…

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2 a.m., at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs,…

A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. “I’ll take that bet” the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. “I don’t get it”, he says,” I just did 150 outside!”

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” he said to her. “I don’t know,” replied the beautiful young woman. “It depends how personal it is.” “OK,” the guy said. “How many men have you slept with?” “I’m not going to…

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing?” he asks the drunk. “I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it.” he replies. “So…

A man walks into a bar and has a lot of drinks. He gets completely wasted. He mentions to the bartender that he has his girlfriend sitting in his new corvette outside so she can drive him home. While the bartender went outside to throw out the garbage he notices a corvette with a man…