bar

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.” Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper.…

An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. “Hey,” he says, “What’s with the steering wheel down your pants?” “Ach,” says the Irish man, “it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her…

The Englishman and the Scotsman both walk into a bar. The Irishman ducks under it.

Look here, waiter! How long must I wait for that half-duck I ordered? Until somejoke orders the other half. We can’t go out and kill half a duck.

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation,…

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer, He drinks it, and 5 minutes later orders another. This goes on for 2 hours straight, the guy ordering a beer every 5 minutes or so. After 2 hours the guy has had 24 beers and is pretty drunk. The bartender looks at the guy…

Jack locked up his bar and headed home. He’d been asleep a few minutes when the telephone rang. “What time do you open in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. Furious, Jack slammed the phone down and went back to sleep. But the same guy called again. ” You might as well…

The Blonde walked into a bar. The Brunette used the door. The redhead actually OPENED the door, and the Asian actually WENT THROUGH the door.

There was a little guy in a bar drinking his beer, when all of a sudden a big guy comes and knocks him off his stool and says “that was a karate chop from Japan” The little guy get’s back up on his stool again and start’s to drink his beer again, when all of…

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, “No thanks. I don’t drink. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it.” So the bartender said, “Well, would you like a cigarette?” But the man…

A man was sitting in a bar, nursing a beer and looking extremely dejected. The sympathetic bartender said, “Man, you look real down. Wanna talk about it? Sometimes it helps.” “Well, I doubt it,” replied the man. “You see, I’m a composer who hasn’t had much luck. It seems the world is really against me.…