children

Billy’s teacher sent a note home to Mom saying, “Billy is a very bright boy, but spends much too much time thinking about girls and sex.” The next day Mom sent a note back to the teacher saying, “If you happen to find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Dad.”

A mom, Bri, and a son, Jorge, were eating dinner at the dinner table. Jorge pushes his plate away and says, “I’m done.” Bri glances at Jorge’s plate and notices he still has a pile of peas on it, “No you don’t. Not untill you eat all of your food.” “I don’t like peas.” “They…

A young child walks into a corner store and picks up a big box of laundry detergent. The storekeep trying to be friendly says, “Got a lot of laundry to do?” The boy says, “Haha no. I’m actually going to go wash my dog with it.” The storekeep says, “Son, that stuff is very powerful.…

The priest was instructing a class of third- graders at All Saints grammar school. “There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. “But the other…

The teacher asks his students to spell the word “before”. The first kid tries: “B-E-F-O-H-R.” “No”, says the teacher, “that’s wrong!” Another kid: “B-E-E-F-O-R.” “No, no,” says the teacher. “Anyjoke else?” A little boy raises his hand: “B-E-F-O-R-E!” “Now, that’s right!” beams the teacher. “Now, Washington, use this word ‘before’ in a sentence!” and the…

I don’t get why we teach little kids the popular saying “Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” And we wonder what is with all the violence? I mean come on that’s like 100% emo.

Three boys are walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is just looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, “I am the ghost of Auntie Mabel and this five dollars stays on the table!” The second boy goes…

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. “Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and…

Little Johnny’s Joke Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some jokes to each other. Little Susie started off by saying, “Knock, knock?” Everyone answered, “Who’s there?” Susie says, “Boo!” Everyone replied, “Boo who?” To which Susie said, “Why…

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing…

The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten. “Johnny,” the teacher asked, “where is the decimal point now?” “On the eraser!” came back the quick reply.

My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy’s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die – no amount of talking could change…