children

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa. When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa’s room. “Grampa, Grampa,” he says excitedly, “as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!” “What?” said his…

Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. “Why are you crying?” asked the little boy. “I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the girl. When he heard this, the little boy started to cry. “Why are you crying?” asked the girl.…

Johnny comes home from school, and shouts, “Mother!” Mother calls from upstairs, “If you wish to speak to me, come upstairs so you don’t have to shout.” When Johnny gets upstairs, she says, “Now, what did you want to say to me?” “Just that I trod in some dog do, but it seems to have…

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how society’s ideal of beauty changes with time. “For example,” he said, “take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the…

There are these kids at school, each bragging about how they ruined something in an amount of time. 1st kid: I wore out a pair of shoes in 1 month. 2nd kid: I wore out a pair of jeans in 1 week. 3rd kid: Oh that’s nothing, I wore out my babysitter in 5 minutes!

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex education to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, “Does anyone know what this is?” Little Johnny says, “Yes, my dad has 2 of them!” Teacher, “Are you sure about that?” Little Johnny, “Yes, he uses the…

A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to…

I was at home one day when my son walked in on me and my husband.He said “Momma i found this moving around on the floor”.(holding up my vibrator)I said “huh?”he asked if he could play with it…I said sure not knowing what it was at the time….I come out of my room go in…

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It’s not…

One to his friend: “My little brother started walking last week!” The other friend: “Where did he go? He should be kilometers away!”

A family had lived in Brooklyn for three years, and their eight-year-old son had attended a Brooklyn public school for the past two years. The people of Brooklyn are renowned for their unusual, if not unique, manner of speaking, and the two years of school had given the young fellow an accent that would be…