children

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and…

“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children all answered. “If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat…

Sally – “Mummy, why can’t I go swimming in the sea?” Mum – “Because there are sharks in the sea.” Sally – “But mummy, daddy is swimming in the sea.” Mum – “That’s different, he’s insured.”

I have an 18-year-old; her name is Alexis. I chose that name because if I hadn’t had her, I’d be driving one.

Child: Mom! I got a 100% on my homework! Mom: Really? On what subject? Child: A 40% on science and a 60% on spelling.

“Danny,” asked Mrs Waters, “What’s usually used as a conductor of electricity?” “Why- er…” “Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?” “The what??” That’s absolutely right. The watt.”

“Have you ever had a tick before?” asked Mel. “No, I’ve only ever had crosses,” replied Sally.

A little girl learned in school, that instead of words, pictures and symbols would be drawn to indicate something if words weren’t understood. Later that day, she needed to go into the bathroom, looked at two pictures, and went in one. A teacher asked her, “Why did you go into the boys’ bathroom?” She answered,…

A 6 year old was in a car with her parents. She kept having sneezing fits, and she kept splattering snot all over the seats. Eventually, the Mum and Dad gave up on trying to stop the sneezing, and told the little girl to put her hands up when she sneezed. The little girl did…

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid said, “My dad is so scared that, when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed.” “Oh, yeah? That’s nothing,” said the second kid. “My dad is so scared that, when my mom has to work the night shift, he goes next…

A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty’s Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Jason – Chicken Pie Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir…

Who is the patron saint of playgrounds? St. Francis of a see-saw!