children

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked…

A mom was wanting to get her boobs enlarged. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t have enough money to get it done. In fact, she had exactly half the money needed. She was telling her son, Little Benny, “Honey, Mommy really wants to get a boob job. But Mommy has only half the money.” She hung…

When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. “Yes,” he said. “I know what we’re going to name it.…

Ralph’s father said, “Let me see your report card.” Ralph replied, “I don’t have it.” “Why not?” His father asked. “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”

Friend 1:”Yeh,you are looking too fat.” Friend 2:”You are looking too old.” Friend 1:”I am not old.” Friend 2:”Then, I am not too fat.”

It was the first day of school and this girl’s teacher asked her what her name was. She said “Texas.” The teacher said, “Haha, no really, what’s your name?” and the girl said, “Texas,” so the teacher said, “Go to the principal’s office.” The principal said, “What’s your name?” She replied, “Texas.” He said, “Funny,…

Henry: Oh my enemies makes me so mad I want to kill them! Phil: I can help you with that. Henry: How? Phil: First, go to the internet cafe. When you are already using the computer make a folder and name it “Your Enemies”. After that, delete the folder. Go to the recycle bin and…

Would you hit a woman with a baby? No, I’d hit her with a brick.

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today’s lesson. “I’ll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let’s begin. A” All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew…

The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count to fifty before saying anything important, and to one hundred if it was very important. The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole…

A boy was working on circumferences for homework when his mother came in and said, “Do you want some pie?” The boy replied, “Sure.” So the mother was saying “3.141592…” over and over and then said, “Want some ratio?”

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about…