children

Johnny: “Dad, stop drinking my root beer!!! Do I get free refills?” Dad: “Sure — I backwashed!”

A mother was teaching her three-year-old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end. “And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, “but…

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from…

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they’re still getting in!

Little Johnny was sitting outside a church playing with sulphuric acid. The priest came up to him and said “Child why are you playing with sulphuric acid? Thats dangerous! I’ve got some holy water inside that is much more powerful.” Little Johnny relied “How come?” “Well last week I splashed some holy water on Mrs.Wilson’s…

Ok…so when I was little my parents would fight all the time. Is there any married couple in the world that doesn’t do this? Anyways, my mom hated paper towels. She just did. Especially the half-sized ones. Apparently there was no point in wasting a paper towel when you could use a dish towel. Quite…

Teacher: “Simon! What does it mean if the barometer falls?” Simon: “Err.. The nail’s come out of the wall, miss?”

“Wow,” said Joan after she saw that her friend got glasses. “You like my new glasses?”, asked Peter. “Yep. They make you look really smart.”, replied Joan. “I know. That’s what my mom said. That’s why I wear them in math class.”

There was once a boy born named Jeff. When Jeff was born, he only had a father, since his mother had died giving birth, and as a result, he was also an only child. His father looked at his new son, proud over his new baby’s good looks and wise looking appearance. The father had…

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree, that had been pressed between the pages. “Momma, look what I found,”…

A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?” “No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms?”

Q: What’s red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator. Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A: We have to stick together. Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello. Q: What do you call a sleeping…