children

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Norfolk to Las Vegas. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother, who couldn’t think of an…

This 4-year-old kid is sitting on the couch watching T.V. silently, with an angry look on his face. After a while, his mother notices this and asks him, “Why the long face?” “Well, Mommy, I know that you invited everyone to your wedding. You invited grandpa, grandma, my uncle, your friends and all . .…

A teacher was teaching a class about the big bang theory. She asked Billy to go outside and observe his surroundings. She then asked… “Billy did you see the sky?” “Yes”, said Billy. “Did you see the sun?” “Yes”, said the boy. “Did you see God?” “No”, said the boy. The Teacher said, “So God…

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter”. The child told…

Kid’s Instructions on Life… “Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.” – Rocky, age 9 “Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning.” – Stephanie, age 8 “Don’t flush the john when your dad’s in the shower.” – Lamar, age 10 “Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents…

One day at Lee Elementary in the 1st grade hallway a little boy named Chris(kid #2 from my spoiled brat joke) and another child name sarah are walking down the hall way. (sarah and chris bump into each other) sarah:watch it doo doo head. chris:you watch it cootie pants. sarah:who are you calling cootie pants,freckle…

One night Aggie says to George “Think I’ll go to bingo the night George… when I’m gone you make sure the youngsters get in and go to bed” Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted. So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the youngsters come…

One day, during math class, the teacher asked Little Johnny, “If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?” “Seven,” replied Johnny. “No, Johnny. Listen carefully this time. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?” asked the…

A little boy asked his mother: Mummy, why are you white and I am black? Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party…, you are lucky that you don’t bark.

Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it. He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop…

Q.)Why do kids pick their nose? A.)BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO DARN LAZY TO GET A TISSUE AND THEIR FAVORITE SHOW IS ON. EVEN THOUGH THEY’VE SEEN IT 1 HUNDRED TIMES, CAN’T MISS A SECOND TO GET A TISSUE, WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR FINGER FOR FAST AND EASY ANSWER FOR THEIR BOGERY NOSE! Q.) How do…

Little Johnny kept spelling the word “went” wrong, instead he spelt “whent”. His teacher, who was very fusterated, decided to keep him after class to spell “went” 100 times. The next day she comes into the classroom, thinking he learned his lesson, and sees the whole board is full of the word “went”. But at…