children

I wish my name was Gary Boone! Do you wanna know why? Because, then, my name could be goon… you see, because you take the “G” from Gary and the “oone” from Boone to get Goon! But, you know, that’s not the worst nickname. The person that does have the worst nickname is my friend,…

One day a boy said to his mom, “I’m a Picses, what are you?” The the mom answered, “Cancer.” The boy then asked in a shocked state, “You killed Grandma?”

Covina, Calif: I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, “I led the pigeons to the flag.” Cleveland, Ohio: When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know – “I pledge allegiance to the flag and to the Republic for Richard Stands.”

At a friend’s wedding, everything went smoothly, until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle. The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward, why he behaved so badly, he explained, “I was just trying to be a good ring bear.”

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as…

What did the mama broom say to the little broom? Go to sweep little one.

Sean: I’ve finally cleared my mind! Dean: Does your new one work?

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Dear, would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” replied the little girl, shyly. “Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie,” the woman said. Her daughter took a deep…

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are. The first one said: “Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!” The second one said: “Ha!…

This is a true story told to me. A big city news anchor is driving along the freeway when his young son asks him, “Daddy, what does motherf____r mean?” He turns to his son, “That’s a really bad word, don’t ever say that again. Where did you learn that?!?!?” His son answers innocently, “Well, that’s…

A little boy put on his baseball uniform and went outside to play, chanting “I’m the best baseball hitter in the world!” He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one! He adjusts his hat and says, “I’m the best baseball hitter in the world!” He throws the ball in the air,…

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.” “How did you know?” his mother asked. Daddy picked them up and looked underneath, he replied, “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”