children

How many little brothers does it take to change a light bulb? Three- one to hold onto the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

On a trip to see Santa, little Johnny climbed into St. Nick’s lap and shared his wish list. Later that day, in another store, there was Santa again! “And what would you like for Christmas?” he asked little Johnny. Shaking his head, Johnny sighed, “You really need to write these things down.”

It’s more fun to color outside the lines. If you’re gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch. Ask why until you understand. Even if you’ve been fishing for 3 hours and haven’t gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you’re still better off than the worm. Make up the rules as…

(especially if you do this in public) Child: Would you still love me if I did something bad? Parent: Yes, of course. Child: I mean something REALLY bad. Parent: Of course… Child: No, I mean something REALLY really bad. Parent: No… Child: No, really. Something REALLY really really- Parent: ALL RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL DID…

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist,…

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an in which my arm had been broken among other injuries. Someone had given me a…

A lady named Annala had 4 children. They didn’t spent a lot of time together. One day Annala’s husband said,”How about having a picture contest, so we can have a great time! We can invite the whole family; Grandma, Grandpa, and the rest of the gang!” The mother accepted the challenge. The day of the…

A little boy walks into a ice cream parlor to buy ice cream. Worker: Hello little boy, can I help you? Little boy: Yes, I want some chocolate ice cream, please. Worker: Sorry, we’re out of choclate. Little boy: Ok, I’ll have some………..chocolate. Worker: Once again, we’re out of chocolate, pick another flavor. Little boy:…

The Bathroom Door is Closed. Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out. Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken. I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because…

Why did the bubblegum cross the road? Because he was stuck to the chickens leg.

A little girl went into the barber shop to get a haircut. When the barber was cutting her hair he realized she was eating a little debbie snack. He said, “Sweetie, you’re going to get hair on your twinkie.” The little girl answered, “I know, and I’m going to get boobs, too.”

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it.” The next day, the pastor was over at Emily’s family’s house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe…