children

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I would like you to close your eyes and taste these.” The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them…

Three little boys went into a candy store. “I want two cents worth of jelly beans,” the first boy said to the clerk. The clerk frowned. The jelly beans were on the top self, and he didn’t like climbing up there just to sell two cents worth, but he did it. When he came down,…

Sam: “Cas, phone for you!” Cas: “Okay, thanks, Sam.” –BEEP OF PHONE BEING TURNED ON– “Hello? Oh, hi….” –AFTER PHONE CONVERSATION– Sam: “So, who was it?” Cas: “Heather.” Sam: “What did she want?” Cas: “Our phone number.”

“Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy…” Mummy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story, so Little Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a…

A teacher asked her class, “What do you want out of life?” A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, “All I want out of life is four little animals.” The teacher asked, “Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?” The little girl said, “A mink on my…

Justin: If you give me a quarter, I’ll give you everything in my lunch box. Zach: That depends… what’s in your lunchbox? Justin: Nothing!

One day a man was watching a show that shows how people make candy bars (by the way he has one in his hand). About halfway through the show, his son comes in asks him if he could ask him a question. The man says yes so his son asks him, “Where can most criminals…

The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candybar one man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”…

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, “I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?” Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, “Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types…

This really happened (honest!) A bunch of very young girls arrived at our door at Halloween. My Mum, being friendly, asked them whereabouts they lived, because she hadn’t seen them before. They replied, “We live quite near here, where do you live?”

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. ”Well, I played in the sandbox,” she said. The teacher said, ”If you can spell sand, I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.” So Susie did. Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did. ”I played in…

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy…