children

Justin: If you give me a quarter, I’ll give you everything in my lunch box. Zach: That depends… what’s in your lunchbox? Justin: Nothing!

One day a man was watching a show that shows how people make candy bars (by the way he has one in his hand). About halfway through the show, his son comes in asks him if he could ask him a question. The man says yes so his son asks him, “Where can most criminals…

The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candybar one man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”…

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, “I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?” Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, “Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types…

This really happened (honest!) A bunch of very young girls arrived at our door at Halloween. My Mum, being friendly, asked them whereabouts they lived, because she hadn’t seen them before. They replied, “We live quite near here, where do you live?”

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. ”Well, I played in the sandbox,” she said. The teacher said, ”If you can spell sand, I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.” So Susie did. Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did. ”I played in…

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy…

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids… “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL YOURS???” “Yep they are all mine,” the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, “Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the social worker,…

A teacher is explaining Biology to her 4th grade students, “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says. A little girl raises her hand, “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,” she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. “Well,” she began,…

Little Johnny’s mum was sitting in front of computer while Johnny was making sandwiches. She said to Johhny, “You’re the best sandwich maker ever,” and Johnny says “No mum, you’re just lazy.” hahahahahahahahahahaha

Little Johnny was running away from home, crying his eyes out, when he ran across a policeman. “Where are you going, Little Johnny?” asked the cop. “I’m running away from home,” sobbed Little Johnny. The cop asked him, “Why would you want to do something like that?” “My mommy and daddy don’t love me any…

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a quiet smoke. Jack returned with lung cancer and Jill a fatal stroke.