children

While his mother was having a consultation with the doctor, Little Johnny could be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room, yet she made no attempt to restrain him. A few minutes later, they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, she casually said…

A group of young children was sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. “Davy, what noise does a cow make?” “It goes moo.” “Alice, what noise does a cat make?” “It goes meow.” “Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?” “It goes baaa.” “Jennifer, what…

The social studies teacher had just completed a lesson on war and peace. “How many of you,” the teacher asked, “would say you’re opposed to war?” Not surprisingly, every student in the class raised their hand. “Who would like to give us their reason for being opposed to war?” asked the teacher. Little Johnny, sitting…

Child 1: Whatcha gonna do? Child 2: I’m gonna watch TV! Child 1: Guess what? I’m the QUEEN of the TV Freaks!

There was a child named Laura. She asked her mom what the hardest report she ever had to do was. Her mom said, “It was to write an essay on the belly of a frog.” Laura said, “Wow!!How did you get the frog in to the typewriter?”

What’s worse than 10 babies in one dumpster? 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.” -Phyllis Diller

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong…

Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples: – The future of “I give” is “I take.” – The parts of speech are lungs and air. – The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes. – A census…

A boy asked his mother what the word “shit” meant. The mother didn’t know what to say, so she said it meant “food”. Then he asked what the word “nigger” meant. She still did not know what to say, so she said “priest”. The last word he asked about was “fuck”. She really did not…

Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today? John: (crying)..I heard the milkman tell mom..”When the kid goes to school i’m gonna eat your pussy!”

A twelve-year-old boy received a journal as a birthday gift. He looked at it carefully, but was mystified. “Mom, what’s the deal with this book? All the pages are blank,” he asked. “That’s called a journal,” she explained. “You write down interesting stuff that happens to you.” His face brightened as he caught her drift.…