gross

What is green and yellow and eats nuts? GONORRHEA

Billy turns up at school very late one morning, and the teacher asks the reason why he’s late. “Sorry, Miss, my dad got burned.” “I’m sorry to hear that; I hope it’s not serious,” she replies. “Oh, they don’t piss about at the crematorium, Miss!”

Why can’t Dolly Parton be a teacher? Because every time she turns around she erases the black board.

This American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off. He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing. He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, “Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want…

Former First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his…

A man walked into a hotel and asked for a room. The guy behind the counter said there is only one room left but it is haunted. The man does not believe this so he gets the room. That night the man hears a voice saying “I`m gonna find you, I`m gonna get you, I`m…

A few people wanted to ride a train. They brought the tickets and got on. Then they realized that the train didn’t have bathrooms. One passenger had to go and he was not going to get off because the train could leave any moment. So he stuck his butt out the window and was in…

I went to Google Translater to write something to my friend in German. I typed in English: Hey there! I am bored. What do you want to do? It came out in German: Hey dort! ich werde gebohrt, was Sie tun möchten? If I translate it back into English, it comes out: Hey there! I…

Chapstick is selling a new product in England. It is the regular Chapstick with Viagra added to the formula. Englishmen like it because it helps them keep a stiff upper lip.

The Goriest, Scariest, Yuckiest Top 12 Things You Really Don’t Want To See Written In Blood… 12) “Richard Hillman did it and——” 11) “Can you guess where your friends are?” 10) Your name signed on a Microsoft License Agreement 9) “Remember that kid you picked on during Junior Cert year…” 8) Your name on the…

A man is sitting at his register and a beautiful young women comes in asking to use the bathroom. Even though she is beautiful the man refuses to let her use it. At least until she buys something. So she buys a pack of gum and then asks again. He says, “yes.” She comes out…

This lonely little boy was sitting at home, and he recently discovered the noises and smells that can emit from his joke in the form of a fart. So the bored little boy decided to travel the world looking for the best fart, He went to Canada and realized that the cold temperature caused the…