gross

Matt: I bet you can’t spell “I cup.” Sarah: I C-U-P Matt: Eww! You see me pee!

Once upon a time, there was a girl with a lisp. She couldn’t pronounce her c’s or s’s so she would just leave them out. One day she was going to the bathroom and started singing “I’ve Got Peace Like a River.”

The Fart Dictionary The Alarm Fart – This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens…

“Mario, I am in so much pain right now I can barely sit. Leave the mushrooms for the adventures and out of the bedroom.” “Fine Princess. Yoshi, let’s go.” “No, no…Yoshi can stay.”

One day two old men, Bill and Ted, were sitting on a park bench discussing their sex life. Bill states, “At my age, me and the old lady have sex about once a year.” Ted replies, “Oh really! Me and the old lady have sex almost every day.” “No way!” says Bill. “You’re joking, right?”…

One night a little boy was left alone at home for the weekend. Before leaving his mother told him, “if you get scared put your hand under bed and let the dog lick your hand. Then you will know you are safe.” So during the night the little boy heard a drip drip drip sound.…

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golf pro: “Now hold…

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, “I’ll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample.” The old man says, “What?” So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, “what?” So the doctor yells it, “I…

What’s grosser than gross? A pile of dead babies in a trash can. What’s grosser than that? The one at the bottom is still alive. What’s grosser than that? He has to eat his way to freedom. What’s grosser than that? He goes back for more.

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he’s in his brown suit. She’d specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she’d brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had…

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn’t…

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years and then…