lawyer

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, “Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man.” “Well, how about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”

A little blind rabbit and a little blind snake met each other in the woods one day and, as neither of them could see what species they were so they decided to feel each other and then describe each other so that the rabbit would know what kind of animal he was and the snake…

Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

A mugger approached a very well-dressed and dignified lawyer on a deserted street one night: “Gimme your wallet and the keys to your car!” The lawyer shook his head and said in a patronizing tone: “Do you have ANY idea what it’s like to walk in my shoes or wear my clothes? I have more…

John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the U.S. Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930’s. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals, and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books…

The only concept they understand is “mine”.

A lawyer was reading a wealthy man’s will to the people mentioned in it. “To my wife Claire, who stood by me through the rough times as well as the good, I leave you the house, the cars and $5 million.” The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Sarah, who took care of me during my…

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission. The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was…

The judge read the charges, then asked: “Are you the defendant in this case?” “No, your honor,” replied Tommy. “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defending. I’m the person who did it.”

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer,…

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. His lawyer argued, “Your Honor, my client has been driving for over twenty-five years.” “Your Honor,” the plaintiff’s lawyer retored, “if this case is going to be judged by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years!”

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment…