lawyer

Pete and Mick were in court and standing before the judge. “Why can’t this case be settled out of court?” the judge asked. Pete looked up at the judge and said, “That’s what we were trying to do, your honour, when the police interfered.”

An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for his client, Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As soon…

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

The Democratic National Committee finally released thousands of pages of financial disclosure information. Says Vince Vieceli, “Unfortunately, they released them from a third-floor balcony in New York during the parade for the Yankees.”

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It’s called, Sosumi.

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan’s well-oiled economic machine. It’s only a matter of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it’s something much more economically debilitating – and permanent.…

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass”. The man replied, “I’m so poor, I can’t afford a thing to eat.” So the laywer said, “Poor guy, come back to…

What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers? 1. How much money do you have? 2. Where can you get more? 3. Do you have anything you can sell?