lawyer

It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, “Boy, are you in trouble! I’m a lawyer!” The driver looked out…

99.9% of all lawyers make the other ones look bad.

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. “Jury trial,” the defendant replied. “Do you understand the difference?” asked the judge. “Sure,” replied the defendant, “That’s where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one.”

A man wanted a big, ferocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises. After…

A lawyer and two friends–a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man–had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn.”…

Q. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start! Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A. His lips are moving. Q. What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A. There are skid…

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn’t believe in capital punishment and didn’t want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on…

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, a golden rat interested him and he went to purchase it. “That’ll be $20 for the rat and $1,000 for the story behind it,” said the shop owner. “Thanks, but I’ll just take the rat for $20 and leave the story”. He…

Not all lawyers are bad. I’ve seen some graveyards full of good ones!

A lawyer goes in to the cell where his client is being held. “Okay, I’ve some bad news, and some good news.” “Right, what’s the bad news?” “It’s DEFINITELY your blood at the scene of the crime.” “So what’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is way down!”

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? Q: Please state the nature of your relationship to the minor child? A: I’m his mother. Q: And you have been so all of his life? Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present? A: It indicates intercourse. Attorney Q: Male sperm? A:…

An older man, Mr.Brown, in his hospital room knew that he was nearing his death, so he called in the three people that he trusted the most – his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. They were all waiting sadly outside of his room, when he called in his doctor. The doctor walked in slowly…