medical

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right honey, I’ve…

“Doctor doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!” “I’ll deal with you later!”

A woman wasn’t feeling well, so she asked a co-worker if she could recommend a doctor. “I know a very good doctor, but he is quite expensive. He charges $350 for the first visit, and $150 for each subsequent visit, but he really is quite good,” replied the co-worker. The woman went to the doctor’s…

There’s this guy he goes to see the doctor and says, “Doctor, Doctor, I have a terrible problem. I have a strawberry stuck up my bottom.” The doctor says, “It’s ok, I’ll give you some cream to put on it.”

Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, generally 35 children are enough. Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A: If it’s the flu, you’ll…

Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, “I don’t trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment.” “So what makes you think your doctor is any better?” asked his friend. “Because…

A man hadn’t been feeling well, so he went to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor came out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor said, “you’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” said the man. “How long have I got?”…

A man goes into his doctor’s office to learn the results of some tests and immediately the doctor greets him by saying “Well Sam, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?” Sam decides on the bad news first and his doctor tells him “Sam, I’m very sorry but…

A patient wakes up after having surgery to remove a gangrenous leg. Doctor: “I have good news and bad news.” Patient: “What’s the bad news?” Doctor: “The bad news is that we amputated the wrong leg.” Patient: “That’s terrible! What’s the good news?” Doctor: “We think the other leg is going to make it alright.”

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student aide, Sam found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need Sam’s help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly…

What is the medical term for a woman getting a sex change? An adadictomy (add-a-dick-to-me)

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said, “Why didn’t you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?” The lady said, “My…