menwomen

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed… just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window…

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Signs of Aging You just can’t stand people who are intolerant. The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off. You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm. Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by. The little grey haired lady you…

Insider’s Guide to the Male Vocabulary ”Haven’t I seen you before?” = ”Nice ass.” ”I’m a Romantic.” = ”I’m poor.” ”I need you.” = ”My hand is tired.” ”I am different from all the other guys.” = ”I am not circumcised.” ”I want a commitment.” = ”I’m sick of masturbation.” ”You’re the only girl I’ve…

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know,…

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER…

Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, “What’s the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can’t you find anyone who suits you?” “No,” Manny replied. “I meet…

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for…

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn’t want to spend a fortune. “Well,” said the clerk, “I have a very large bullfrog.…

Penguins mate for life. This is not surprising, as they all look the same. It’s not like they have to wait and wonder if someone better will come along!

A tearful woman phoned a reducing salon to wail that her husband had just given her a lovely present and she couldn’t get into it. The operator gave her an appointment and added, “Don’t worry, madam, we’ll have you wearing that dress in no time.” “Dress?” the matron sobbed. “It’s a Porsche!”

Men can’t pack a bag. Men wouldn’t be caught dead wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened… having to be seen with all those elves. Men don’t answer their mail. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.” Men…