menwomen

A wife was in the kitchen making the boiled eggs for breakfast when her husband walked in and asked, “What’s for breakfast?” She turned to him and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.” He, thinking it’s his lucky day, stood her over the kitchen table and they had sex. Afterwards…

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

“You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.” ~ Steve Martin “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” ~ Woody Allen “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield “Women need a reason…

A young woman asks her mother, “Mom, how many kind of penises are there?” The mother, surprised, answers, “Well, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, a man’s penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties,…

A woman hurries home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The husband says, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she says. “Just get the…

My mother has a “lead foot,” so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. “I have never been stopped like this before,” she said to…

I was recently riding with a friend of mine. We were coming to a red light, and he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d you do that?” He tells me this is how his brother drives. We come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d…

You might think that some guys are hot. Their boyfriends think that, too!

17. “I finished the Oreo’s.” 16. “Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs forty pounds.” 15. “Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby.” 14. “I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever.” 13. “Well, couldn’t they induce labor? The 25th is the…

A horny old trapper named Rex Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex. By incredible luck His dick never got stuck, But his nuts were just pitiful wrecks.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a bench near the food court and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said: “I have a 22-year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then…

Q – Why is there a big “E” on top of the standard eye chart at the optometrist’s office? A – The reason is if there was a big “O” on the chart women would lie about seeing it.