oneliners

Confucius say: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok

My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines and a large trash can.

What starts with the letter F and ends in UCK? FiretrUCK

1. Who’s idea was it to put “s” in the word “Lisp”? 2. Trust in God, but keep your car locked. 3. They say that swimming is good for your figure. If so, what happened to whales?

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. – W. C. Fields.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

I always follow my first instinct, That is unless I second guess myself. ——————————————— Why don’t you have a drink, your only driving to a funeral right? ——————————————— Why buy a watch from the competitor, I thought time was against us? ———————————————- You must be smart, because you just confused us all. ———————————————-

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to fine art.

Wait a second!!! I am NOT a loser! I have tried. I am a failure.

When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

The thing you need to focus on in your 20’s is not getting a bad tattoo. You don’t want to be 40 and going, “No, dude, it was different back then – everyjoke loved SpongeBob.”

If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife/girlfriend told you to do it?