oneliners

Opera: where somejoke gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, sings.

Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons? What happens if you pop the popcorn upside down? Why aren’t HAMburgers made out of ham? And my favorite: Donde estan mis pantalones?

What’s red and invisible? No tomato.

Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull?

This is a very long line that goes on and on and just when you think it is over it starts again going on and on but you know it cannot keep on forever until it starts repeating itself about being a very long line that goes on and on and just when you think…

The zoology teacher asked a small boy to make a sentence using the word “possum.” He answered, “Maw got horny and gave possum.”

What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Dyouthinkhesaurus

How is it we look in a dictionary to figure out how to spell something if we don’t know how to spell it?

This is laziness!

For all of you who say I need anger management… Just to let you know, if I could control my anger, I’d destroy you with it!

I couldn’t fix your brakes, so instead I made your horn louder.

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?