oneliners

Battle Where a whole lot of white men kill a few Indians. Massacre Where a whole lot of Indians kill a few white men.

The government has recently issued a statement saying that 18.9 percent of all statistics are false.

What’s the difference between a bird and a fly? Well, a bird can fly . . .

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.

Q. Why do husbands die before their wives ? A. They want to

The one item you need is always in short supply.

PIANO PLAYER: “Do you think I have a gift for playing?” LISTENER: “No, but I’ll give you one for stopping!”

The squirrel’s eyes widened as he tried to move but froze when he realized…….. He’d buried the wrong nuts!

An English tramp. (hobo)

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There ain’t no way you’re going to like it. If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your ass will get soaking wet. The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age…

Did you here about the giant with a nosebleed? It was all over town

The reason grandparents and children get along so well is really quite simple: They have a common enemy.