oneliners

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

What is a musician with real high morals? Virtuoso.

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a Bench? A bench can support a whole family.

Poise: the ability to continue speaking fluently while the other fellow is picking up the cheque.

The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.

It is said that “it is always in the last place you look” Well of course! Are there some people out there who keep looking after they find it?

Q. How is a woman like a laxative ? A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

Ghost Stories by I.C. Spooks Rocket to the sun by R.U.Nuts Your Book of Glamour by Q.T Pie The Camel Ride by Major Bum – issore How to Grow Shorter by Neil Down How to Grow Taller by Stan Dup

Never ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

LOVE: A word involving four letters, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. It refers to a disease that can be cured by marriage. ARCHITECT: A guy not “macho” enough to be an engineer and not queer enough to be an interior designer. TO DANCE: It refers to the vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.…

Men who walk in front of car get tired. Men who walk in back of car get exhausted.