oneliners

Energizer Bunny arrested… charged with battery.

If you are inventing something, the best way for it to work is to give it a job.

A good way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.

Your joke was submitted.

The problem with keeping an open mind is that all my ideas tend to fall out.

You never know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. But if you walked a mile in their shoes wouldn’t their feet get cold?

Windows95…the best $159 Solitaire game you can buy.

What do a walrus & tupperware have in common? They both like a “tight” SEAL!

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself any time.

What’s the nicest thing about a nudist wedding? You don’t have to ask – you can see who the best man is.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Man with face in toilet is shit faced. Man who fools around with neighbour’s wife at wrong time of month get caught red handed. Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

“Mom! Deaf kids at school are making fun of me.” “What did they say?”