oneliners

Signs in our world… Please be safe. Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you and that might make them sick. Thank you. OUR AIM IS TO KEEP THIS BATHROOM CLEAN. GENTLEMEN: Your aim will help. Stand closer. It’s shorter than you think. LADIES: Please remain…

We are rated with RSAC i, SafeSurf TM Rated.

My sister gave birth in a state-of-the-art delivery room. It was so high tech that the baby came out cordless!

“While getting dressed one morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make-up mirror to see what time it was.” – Unknown

Q) What do you call an ant from overseas? A) Important

As I was coming back from Canada, I stopped at the border and the guy asked, “Do you have any firearms with you?” I answered, “What do you need?”

Q: What do you call a sheep that does karate? A: A lamb chop

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!”

Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery. A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative. Practice safe eating – always use condiments. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. If electricity…

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half New Vaccine May Contain Rabies Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing Air Head Fired Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Hospitals are Sued…

Yo momma’s like Geico: so easy a caveman could do it.

If all those sweet young things were laid end to end – I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.