oneliners

When I fly, I go Air Bizarre. It’s a good airline. You buy a one-way round trip ticket. You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday… That way you still have the weekend. If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? I broke a mirror and got seven years…

My teacher always used to tell me that double negatives are a real no-no.

Lawyers creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me “What do you do at a red light?” I said, “I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…

“I love you” is eight letters, but so is “bull shit.”

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

What’s the difference between two yards? A. Usually a fence.

If it wasn’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

What do you call a holy man that fries potatoes? A chipmonk

Scanning for viruses…Windows95 found…Please delete.