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Q.What is the speed limit for sex? A. 68, at 69 you have to turn around!

A man standing in line at a check-out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when an attractive woman behind him said, “Hello!” Her face was beaming. He gave her that “Who-are-you?” look and couldn’t remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.…

What’s invisible and very frightened? A ghost with the sheet scared out of him.

A few interesting public/police interactions: GOOD: A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting too many. Then, he discovered the problem. A 10-year old boy was standing up the road from him with a hand-painted sign which read, “RADAR TRAP AHEAD”. The officer then found a younger accomplice down the…

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is…

This is not supposed to be funny. I want to make a public apology for the temper tantrum I threw earlier today. I still don’t get it but I am sorry for blaming everyone else for my problems. AC3P1L07 P.S. please vote this as funny so more people will see it.

One day, Farrah Fawcett died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.Peter greeted her. “Hello, and welcome. You have lived a life full of prosperity and love. You have given millions around the world entertainment with your acting. Now I will provide you with one wish for the Earth before you enter Heaven. What…

This form is designed for excuse you’ll need for the trouble you’ve caused.. Whenever there’s a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. Dear: a) Mom b) Dad c) Love of my life d) Teacher e) Local Police Chief Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am…

Famous Last Words “We’ll be safe here, trust me.” “Who cares about the severe weather warning, those forecasters are always wrong anyway.” “We’re not as high up as it looks, here I’ll show you.” “Who cares about those heart condition warnings anyway, I wanna ride this thing!” “My friend did this a while ago. I…

101. About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive. 102. A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a “palindrome”. 103. A snail can sleep for 3 years. 104. People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide. 105. China has more…

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?” “Throw out an anchor, sir,” the student replied. “What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?” “Throw out another anchor, sir.” “And if another terrific…

Girliepie has one that is really embarrassing! I tell it from her point of view – It was the next to last day of school and I was walking in the hall with my friends. I saw my friend Jacob a few feet away from me, so I decided to say hi. We always play…