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A Chinese guy was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller, “Why it change, yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen – today Iget a Hunat eighty?” The teller says – “Fluctuations!” The Chinese guy says “Fluc you white guys too”

Acquaintance: A person you know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. Bachelor: A guy who gets to keep all his take-home pay. Pedestrian: A father who has teenagers who can drive. Honesty: The fear of being caught. Zebra: A horse prisoner.

CUSTOMER: “Look at that watch you sold me. It broke. You told me it would last a lifetime.” CLERK: “Yeah, well you looked pretty sick the day you bought it.”

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and the police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was…

CO-PILOT: Commander! We are being attacked! COMMANDER: Report your height and status! CO-PILLOT: I’m 5’11 and sittin’ in the cockpit.

A man was solving a crossword. For a four-letter word there was a clue: Look at the picture ! The man entered: I see .

In the USA they go ice skating. In Canada we go skating; we just assume it will be on ice!

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why isn’t…

What did the wall say to the picture? How’s it hangin`?

A Nevada fugitive wanted on fraud charges was arrested in Connecticut after he blew his cover by applying for a job… as a police officer. The Connecticut cops discovered the man’s fugitive status during a standard background check. He had passed both the written and agility tests before being found out. Police called the man…

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some…

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!