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A Rare Book
in JokesA collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somejoke-or-other had printed it. “Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector. “Yes, that was it!” “You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first…
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More All New Words
in JokesTake any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners: Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn’t get it. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining…
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What Time Do You Call This?
in JokesA 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast, and everyjoke had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However, one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. “Why did you do that?” the soldier was asked by his superior officer. “I know where he lives,” came the reply, “and he wouldn’t have made it.”
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Essential Additions for Our Vocabulary:
in JokesBLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to…
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Your Star Wars Name
in JokesTo get your Star Wars name, do the following: 1) Start with the 1st 3 letters of your last name 2) Add the first two letters of your first name 3) Add the first two letters of your mother’s maiden name 4) Add the first two letters of the city in which you were born…
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Good News/bad News
in JokesAnnouncer, at a diving competition: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have both good and bad news to announce. The good news is that the dive just performed was fantastic and the judges have managed to give it a full score of ten. The bad news is… there was no water in the pool.”
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How to Have Fun at a Boring Party
in JokesSpeak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce. Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new. When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings – make sure to use your hands! Ask the host, “Who threw this…
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Blue House
in JokesOnce there was a guy who lived in a blue, one story house. EVERYTHING in the house was blue. The refridgerator, all of the food, the tables, the chairs, the clothes of the man, the TV, the camera, the dishwasher, the washing machine, and even the man himself. What color were the stairs? Suspected Answer:…
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Random Things 1
in JokesThe journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and… If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take…