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“Oh, No!” he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding…

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily. “That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly. “Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested. “I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner,” Tom said succinctly. “I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked. “We just struck…

The new principal was talking to the teachers. “Now, listen, my name is Mr. Prenis, with an “R”. Please don’t forget to spell it out clearly, so that the students dont laugh and such…” The teachers assure him that they will remember it, and they go out to adress the students. One of the male…

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don’t know To get the Chinese newspaper Get it? No Neither do I. I get USA Today

1. You had to share a room until you were 21. 2. You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil. 3. You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport. 4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think it s normal.…

What do you call Santa when he’s been to the beach? Sandy Claus!

There was a boy and a teacher walking down the street one day. The teacher bought the boy some gum and after chewing it for a while it fell out of his mouth. He went to pick it up and the teacher said, “Never pick up things from the floor.” Then, the teacher bought him…

Ok, 3 canadians were walking along the beach, one from the Yukon, one from Quebec, and one from Newfoundland. Now, it happened that they found a magic lamp. After rubbing it, the genie promised each of them one wish. The Yukon said, “I wish for fish teeming in our waters for a million years.” The…

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of…

This man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder and the bar tender asks him, “What’s your newt’s name?” and the man replies, “Tiny” and the bar tender says, “Why is he called Tiny?” and the man replies, “Because he is minute.” (minute means small)

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “what’ll you have?” The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.” So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more. The bartender…

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