others

What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy.

If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you’ll get a stiff neck. A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened criminals! They will face a stiff sentence when convicted and they’ll surely be sent to…

1) When there’s only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you. 2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4)…

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you. I’ve been finding real passion with barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only…

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. ”You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. ”Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” ”Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, ”and he might be glad to split…

Bread Is Dangerous 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50…

My granddad was a very unlucky man. He made a soft drink, and called it 1-up, but it didn’t sell. He made another, called it 2-up, which also didn’t sell. He tried yet another, called it 3-up. He got to 6-up, and quit.

Nick’s Grandma gave him a map to her house. The address was 1767 Old Miffs Road. Nick traveled till he got to Old Miffs road. He didn’t pay attention to the sign and thought he was lost. He stopped at a woman’s house and she opened the door. “Why hello there!” the woman said. “Nice…

A guy walks into a bar and orders three whiskey sours, drinks them down BAM! BAM! BAM! Then he orders three more. The bartender’s having a slow night and appreciates the business, but is also concerned. “Hey buddy, slow down. What seems to be the problem?” The guy answers, “I went on a week-long business…

+ You dance and it makes the band skip. + You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live. + You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts. + Your driver’s license says, “Picture continued on other side.” + You learn you were…

Homelite Zip Start Vac Attack Blower: Do not point blower in direction of people or pets. (Wild animals are presumably okay?) Bono 527 Multi-Purpose Cement: Exposure may result in confusion. (Anyone who sniffs glue is more than confused) Bowl-Fresh Automatic Toilet Cleaning Tablets: Harmful if swallowed. (I know a kid who can put a whole…

Billy asked his mother, “Can I go over to Little Johnny’s house and watch the magic show?” Billy’s mother replied, “Whatever do you mean, dear?” He answered, “The one Johnny’s mom performs. I heard her tell Miss Figpot that she got $600 for doing six tricks last night. That must be some kind of show!”