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We all know that a good old fashioned zombie says “Braaaaiiiiins!” But what would these zombies say? A Vegan Zombie – “Graaaaaiiiiins!” A 1940’s Mobster Zombie – “Daaaaaaames!” A Michael Jordan Zombie – “Haaaaaayynes!” A Vampire Zombie – “Veeeeeeeiiiiins!” A Masochistic Zombie – “Paaaaaiiiiiins!” A Maid Zombie – “Staaaaaiiiins!”

# The original reason for tablecloths was as a towel to wipe one’s fingers and hands on after eating # Mount Everest moves approximately 2.4 inches (10 cm) in a Northeasterly direction every year # Mickey Mouse has four fingers on each hand # The bark of a redwood tree is fireproof. Fires that occur…

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.” “Sir”, replied the doctor, “You’re 97. Don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?” “You’re damned right it is!” replied the old man. “That’s why I want it lowered!”

An elderly couple was having a conversation, and the wife asked her husband a simple question :- “Boxers or briefs?” Her husband replied :- “Depends.”

– “Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on ‘stunning.’” – “I can’t help it — my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!!” – “Nice Asimov.” – “Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody.” – “Earth woman, prepare to be probed!” – “I’m…

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace…….. The article read: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started.” So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished….and before leaving the house this morning…

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: “If I can…

Cinderella, Superman and Pinocchio die and go to heaven. On their way they talk: Cinderella: “I want to be remembered as the most beautiful girl in the world.” Superman: “I want to be remembered as the strongest person in the world.” Pinocchio: “I want to be remembered as the greatest liar in the world.” It’s…

What kind of trouble does a five foot man have??? Five feet!!!

A boy was playing internet games on Yahoo. Finding it hilarious, he had named himself “emilycheesehotchick”. One time, while playing pool, his opponent messaged to him “Want to have cyber sex…?” Curiousity took over him, and so he replied “Sure!”. Thus followed a hot and mostly one-sided cyber sex, when all of a sudden, his…

A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress, “I want a cup of coffee without cream.” The waitress comes back a few minutes later and says, “I’m sorry, but we’re all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?”

“Man” jokez..n a boy joke.. A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the things of life, and his own personal problems. He couldn’t find the answers so he sought help from God. “God, God, you there God?” he asked. “Yes, what is it my son?” God answered. “I have a few questions; mind…