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1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in…

A man had just got to his hotel room with his newlywed wife on thier honeymoon. He said, “Let’s screw.” So they took off their clothes and got close and started kissing and the man said, “Wait, we don’t have a condom, I’m not ready for kids yet.” So the man called up the bellhop…

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks “Wow, this is cool.” He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep,…

Give me food and I will live. Give me water and I will die. What or who am I? (Scroll down) A fire

Couple of things you oughta know Firstly, when I’m born, I’m black!! When I grow up, I’m black When I get sick, I’m black When I go out in the sun, I’m black When I’m cold, I’m black And when I get scared, Gee, I’m black And When I die, I’m still black But you…

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam paper: “Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.” Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it…

Go to this website … I know some people might say that this isn’t a joke, but it’s really funny if you go to the website. Trust me. http://www.dr-joe.net/quiz.html It doesn’t have any viruses.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa. Hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete…

1: Fatten every one around you to make them look bigger. You’ll look thinner 2: If no-one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 3: Drink a diet soda with your candy bar. They’ll cancel each other out. 4: Life’s short, eat dessert first.

Little johnny was going to school. Incredibly he found a genie and was given 3 wishes. “Can I have a piece of candy?” he said. “Kid, I am a powerful genie ask for something else.” “Mmmm, ok, give me 2 pieces of candy.” “You think I have time for such small wishes? Don’t ask for…

My friend said, “Can I hang out with you?” I replied in a choking voice, “I have a spare noose in the closet.”

I ran into an old buddy the other day. He was a rising entrepreneur, but now he looked down and out. What gives? He begins wailing his tale. “I had a restaurant out there on the interstate, you know. Spent a fortune on a new high-rise sign to attract traffic. It did, too. It read…