puns

A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars! The game show host said, “All right, for your final question: ‘What are the names of three of Santa’s reindeer?’” The man grinned and said,…

Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.” Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Route 66 says to the country road: Hey, man, you straight? Country road says: Heck no, I’m a byway!

Two Eskimos sitting in their boat were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the boat, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)… The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer…

A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted…

Gene Pitney dies, and his widow is told that the coffin would take a week if it was made from Oak – but only 24 hours from Balsa!

A man was seen walking through downtown with a desk strapped to his back, a typewriter under one arm, and a wastebasket under the other. He was stopped by a policeman, asked what he was doing, and arrested when he replied, . . . “Impersonating an office, sir!”

Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? A: Eileen. Q: What do you call a boy with one foot in the door? A: Justin. Q: What do you call a girl who gambles? A: Betty. Q: What do you call a girl with one foot on either side…

Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table, when one sees a whisk. He says to his friend, “Ooh, what’s that?” The friend replies, “Beats me!”

You are stuck in a room with absolutely no doors, no windows, and no escape. You are surrounded by 415 inch think metal walls. All you have is a mirror and a table. How do you get out? Well, you look into the mirror. You saw yourself, right? Now, use the saw to chop the…

What happens when the smog clears over southern California? UCLA