puns

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the…

Two Arab fathers are showing each other their family photos. One shows the other a picture and says “This is my oldest, he is a martyr. This is my second oldest, he is also a martyr.” The other Arab father just sighs and says “Ahh, they blow up so quickly these days!”

How many ears did Davy Crockett have? 3 – His right ear, his left ear, and his wild front-ear.

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.

(to be read aloud) ‘Twas in a restaurant they met Romeo and Juliet But Romeo couldn’t pay the bill So Romee-owed what Julie ate (“ett”).

– OK, . . . . so what’s the speed of dark? – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. – Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. – Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film. – How much deeper would the ocean…

When a girl needs advice, why can’t her brother help her? Because he can’t be a brother and assist her too. (And a sister too!)

What do you call a black priest? Holy Shit

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the local church decided to do a big…

– A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. – Dijon vu – the same mustard as before. – Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. – A hangover is the wrath of grapes. – Sea captains don’t like crew cuts. – Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? – Reading…

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering; and the second with leaving the scene of an…

My geometry tutor told me, “A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon.” “What about two sided ones?” I asked. “They don’t exist,” was his response. “I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons.”