puns

I gave up Thai boxing because I felt the Thais were getting fed up being put in boxes.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

What did the sick pony say to its mother? I’m a little hoarse.

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack,…

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?” “Yes,” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to…

Me and my friend were IMing and it was like this… Me:BRB Him: kake Me:heh Him:I LIKE KAKE Me:i like 3.1415926535 Him:Pi >:0

What did the tie say to the hat? You go on a head, I’ll just hang around.

What is 4-2? two. What is 8-6? two. Who wrote Tom Sawyer? Twain Now say the answers altogether. Two two Twain. Have a nice twip!

What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe? Answer: Roberto.

Here’s the day’s stock market report: Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.…

It is obvious. The downfall of the world is here. It is 2005 and we have lived on this earth for ages. I suppose it is about time for the end. Proof? You want proof? I have all the proof you will need: They let Brittney Spears reproduce. Ohh that poor poor child!!

This summer, I went on a trip to Houston. I needed to go really badly, so I stopped behind a tree. A minute later, I darted out being chased by a hungry squirrel. He wanted some nuts.