redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. 2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations. 3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house. 4. You’ve never thrown away…

You are a redneck if: Your pet groundhog has ever bitten more than one of your thumbs off.

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded yes, so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him. The next patron to…

You might be a redneck if the only thing you inherited from your father was alcoholism.

Bubba listened to the preacher at the revival and when the preacher asked those with needs to come forward for prayer, Bubba got in line. When it was his turn, the preacher asked, “What do you want me to pray about?” Bubba said, “Pray for my hearing, preacher.” The preacher put one hand over Bubba’s…

How can you tell if a redneck is married? There are tobacco stains on both sides of his pickup.

You are a redneck if: you’ve ever had a family feud over a litter of coondogs.

You know you’re a redneck if: 1) You drive your house and sleep in your car. 2) You think a loaded dishwasher means your wife is drunk. 3) You have more than 2 relatives named Buh Buh. 4) You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER kids.…

“If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call ’em biscuits.”

You are a redneck if: You’ve ever bought steel-toed boots, only to remove the steel to patch a hole in your trailer.

You know you’re a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.

You are a redneck if: you’ve ever gotten a headache reading the newspaper.