redneck

Q:What do you call a 500 pound Russian that can bend you like a bendy straw? A:Sir

You think “Going the extra mile” means using toothpaste. You take a bar of soap to your local pool. Your dentures have fillings. Your idea of conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night. Your wife has ever burnt out an electric razor. Your medical plan is not to get sick.

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over “Ebonics,” has decided to designate Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary: Hire yew – noun. Greeting – How are you – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Howdy. How…

Signs you’re a redneck Jedi; -You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.” -Your Jedi robe is camouflage. -You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. -At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. -You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. -You…

If you met your wife on a hunting trip you just might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you think that “home security” means taking the front steps to your trailer with you when you leave the house.

You might be a redneck if… You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck? If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a “teethbrush”.

A redneck couple had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, the man took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. The woman said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air…

Two redneck airplane mechanics named Jim Bob and Jeb work at the Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Jim Bob and Jeb have nothing to do. After work Jim Bob and Jeb usally have a drink on their way home, so Jim Bob says to…

You are a redneck if: You’ve ever carved a gunstock out of a bedpost.

A man had just moved from his big apartment in NYC, to a big farm way out in the country side. Just days after he moved, he realized he was out of chicken feed, so he went down to the nearest store. (a good 2-hour drive away). “Can I get me some chicken feed?” the…