religious

  • Forest Gump Dies and Goes to Heaven

    St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates and says, “Well, Forest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard so many good things about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been giving an entrance quiz for everyone. The tests are short, but you need to…

  • Enemies

    Sunday’s sermon was — Forgive Your Enemies. Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” 80 percent of the congregation held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time except one small elderly lady. “Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to…

  • Cowboy Indian and Muslim

    A cowboy an indian and a muslim were in an airport waiting for their flight. After some silence the indian says. “Once my people were many, now we are few.” Then the muslim says, “My people were many, we are still many,” he turns to the cowboy, “Why do you think that is?” The cowboy…

  • Belly Buttons Explained

    Q: How do babies get their belly buttons? A: When God finishes making little babies, He lines them all up in a row, then he walks along in front of them. He pokes each one in the tummy with His finger and says, “You’re done, you’re done, you’re done, – – -“

  • Good Morning, Sisters

    A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there, two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning, Sisters,” and they reply, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” This stuns the priest, who thought he had been very polite, but he…

  • A Meeting With the Board

    After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister. “I know,” said the man. “If there is anyone here more bored than…

  • Why Isn’t God Helping Us?

    Why isn’t God helping us? Some people ask this question. Well, here’s an answer. Billy Graham’s daughter was being interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her “How could God let something like this happen?” Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said “I believe that God is deeply saddened…

  • Inappropriate Language

    A group of nuns was traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted. As the…

  • Go To Heaven

    Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do, Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,”…

  • Good Cat’lic

    Mrs. O’Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O’Rafferty. “Hello,” said the Father, “And how is Mr. O’Donovan? Didn’t I marry you two years ago?” She replied, “You did that, Father.” “And are there any little ones yet?” “No, not yet, Father,” she said “Well now,…

  • Do You Realize What I Am?

    A blonde was telling her priest a Polack joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, “Don’t you know I’m Polish?” “Oh, I’m sorry,” the blonde apologizes, “do you want me to start over and talk slower?”

  • The Fabric of Our Lives

    A Unitarian Universalist walks into a fabric store and asks the clerk for nine yards of material. The clerk asks, “What are you going to make?” The UU says, “I’m making a nightgown for myself as a present for my husband.” The clerk says, “But nine yards is way too much material for a nightgown.”…