tech

Is your computer male of female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., “Steady as she goes”, or “She’s listing to starboard, Captain!” Recently a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusions follow:…

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail…

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it’s a pretty good working solution. “No no,” says the physicist, “there’s a…

You know you’re a video game freak if … You hire a babysitter to watch your video games. When you go swimming you put your nintendo D.S. in the glove box so no one will try to commit a felony and try to steal it. You cry when your data gets deleted. When you lose…

There was a mad scientist (a mad …social… scientist) who kidnapped three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked each of them in separate cells with plenty of canned food and water – but no can opener. A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer’s cell and found it…

The following are real excerpts from Help Desk logs at real corporations. Or are they? 1. Help Desk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one… 2. Help Desk: And now hit F8. Customer: It’s not working. Help Desk: What did you do, exactly? Customer: I hit the ‘F’ key 8…

A woman named Denise couldn’t read her book. Her daughter Kelly was clicking away on the computer, but this time she was talking in a strange voice. Denise decided to go check on what Kelly was doing. “Kelly,” she said in a stern tone, “I told you no talking on the computer when I’m trying…

And the beast shall be made legion. Its numbers shall be increased a thousand thousand fold. The din of a million keyboards like unto a great storm shall cover the earth, and the followers of Mammon shall tremble.

ere is a chasm of carbon and silicon the software can’t bridge. Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that To have no errors Would be life without meaning No struggle, no joy You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. No keyboard…

What does the “95” in Windows95 mean anyway? 10. The number of floppies it will ship in. 9. The percentage of users who will have to upgrade their hardware. 8. The number of megabytes of hard disk space required. 7. The number of pages in the “EASY INSTALL” version of the manual. 6. The percentage…

The Dosfish Long ago, in the days when all disks flopped in the breeze and the writing of words was on a star, the Blue Giant dug for the people the Pea Sea. But he needed a creature who could sail the waters, and would need for support but few rams. So the Gateskeeper, who…

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we called the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began…