tech

In an open interview between our correspondant and world genius and sex machine Bill Gates, the following rather illuminating answers were provided. Q: Is it true that Microsoft wants to destroy all other software makers everywhere? A: Yes. Some think not, because if Apple & IBM quit, Microsoft would have no one to copy from.…

Why did the computer get sick? He left his windows open

Once upon a time in a land where everyone updates there Facebook status every 5 seconds, there was a young girl named Isabel. When Isabel was reading her cereal box, she thought “Oh.Maybe I should check my Facebook.” So Isabel walked over to her Mac and sat down. She typed in Facebook.com and clicked enter.…

The bumper sticker on your car reads: “What Would Dawson Do?” In the middle of an exam, you tell the professor you want to use a lifeline. You need to be tranquilized when the cable goes out. In the late evening, you look forward to sitting back and catching the latest informercial. If you’re a…

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so…

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Termination without Cause.” Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?” “Yes, well, I’m having…

1. You don’t suffer from insomnia… you enjoy every minute of it. 2. Your pupils are dialated 24/7 3.*You don’t have time for a girlfriend and would rather have a talking frog instead. 4. L337 is a common word in your household. 5. The targeting reticle from halo is permanently burned onto your retina… and…

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” – Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949. “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” – Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 “I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people,…

If you messed up your life, you could press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”! If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”. Hit “any key” to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To…

THIS IS A TRUE STORY!!! My cousin works as a technical support receptionist at a computer company. This is an actual conversation he had one day: “Hi, I’m having trouble with my computer. It’s not working!” “Well, I’ll do my best to help you.” *gets technical information for computer from caller* “OK, can you press…

Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.” Customer: “Click ‘OK’?” Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.” Customer: “Click ‘OK’?” Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.” Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?” Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.” Pause. Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.” Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???” Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?” Tech…

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, “Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?” I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on. “Do you…