Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of water?
Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well, you said it is H2O!
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Teacher : Mike, get up! How can you sleep in my class?
Mike : I can Mr, if you keep your voice down.
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Teacher : Where does God live?
Little boy : I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, ‘God, are you still in there?’
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Teacher: “Annie! stop showing off! Do you think you are the teacher of this class?”
Annie: “No, Miss.”
Teacher: “Then stop acting like a fool!”
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Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?”
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.”
Pupil: “Exactly!”
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A student to his teacher: “I haven’t got no pencil.”
Teacher, correcting him: “You don’t have any pencil. He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”
Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?”
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Teacher to girl: “Why are you late?”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early?”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early”
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Teacher to the student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
Student: To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
Student: See how effective it is!
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Teacher: You weren’t at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert: That’s not true, sir. And I’ve got the tickets from the football game to prove it.