— Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
— Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
— Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
— Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
— Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
— Lymph (v.), to walk with a limp.
— Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
— Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
— Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
— Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with ‘Yiddishisms’.
— Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.