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Jokes

  • DO NOT READ

    in

    YOU’RE READING IT, YOU DOPE!

  • I was at the Golf Store…

    in

    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him…

  • Boing Boing

    in

    In the morning elephants put springs on their feet and jump around the jungle. Now the most fearsome sound to a monkey is “Boing Boing”

  • Yo Momma Jokes

    in

    Yo momma’s so dumb, she tells you Yo Momma jokes!

  • The Speeding Teacher

    in

    Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. “I teach math there,” I explained. The trooper smiled, and said, “Okay, here’s a problem. A teacher is speeding…

  • Beach’s Law

    in

    Interchangeable parts aren’t.

  • Blonde and Brunette

    in

    A blonde and brunette jump off a cliff at the same time. Why did the brunette hit the floor before the blonde? The blonde asked for directions!

  • Chuck Norris Facts: 30

    in

    “Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport. Rules of…

  • The Oldest Joke

    in

    The oldest Yo Momma joke in the book: Yo momma so fat that she’s fat.

  • Oral English Lesson

    in

    Teacher: The weather here is too bad. The winter is too cold, and the summer is too hot. Fortunately, I have an air condition in my room. Oh, do you have air condition in your dorm? Students: (laughing) No way. Teacher: At least you can use a fan, can’t you? Students: (upset) No way! The…

  • Bad Excuses for Missing Work

    in

    I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? When I got up this morning…

  • A Pig Story

    in

    Bill Clinton’s limo is driving along a back country road on the way back to Washington from Camp David, when all of a sudden a pig jumps out in front of the limo. Bill, upset, tells the chauffeur to drive to the nearest farm house so he can pay for the damages and apologize. They…