Jokes
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Mugged
in JokesLate one night in the Washington D.C., a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money!” he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “In that case,” replied the robber, “give…
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The Real Meanings
in Jokes— Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. — Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. — Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. — Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. — Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the…
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What He Really Means
in JokesInsider’s Guide to the Male Vocabulary ”Haven’t I seen you before?” = ”Nice ass.” ”I’m a Romantic.” = ”I’m poor.” ”I need you.” = ”My hand is tired.” ”I am different from all the other guys.” = ”I am not circumcised.” ”I want a commitment.” = ”I’m sick of masturbation.” ”You’re the only girl I’ve…
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Bull
in JokesThere were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George was pretty excited. “Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?” asked George. “George, relax. Here is how it works. We’ll wait…
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Chicken Vs. Lettuce
in JokesJoe: Do you know the difference between a chicken and lettuce? Jill: No. Joe: Remind me not to send you to the supermarket!
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Fruit Cake Recipe
in JokesFruit Cake Recipe 1 c water 1 c butter 4 lg. eggs 1 btl WHISKEY 8 oz mixed nuts 1 tsp. salt juice of one lemon 1 c brown sugar 2 c dried fruit 1 tsp baking powder Sample whiskey to check quality. Take a large bowl. Re-sample whiskey to ensure it is of the…
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One Of Our Friends
in JokesA boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it. “That was a honey bee,” his father said, “one of our friends. For stomping him you will do without honey for a week.” Later the boy saw a butterfly, so…
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Pointing is Rude!
in JokesRose, a mother of two boys, Jim and Ralph, heard yelling from upstairs. She heard several phrases like “I got you!” and “No, you didn’t!” She ran to see what the yelling was about. It ended up that the two boys were playing cops and robbers, and were trying to shoot each other with their…
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Running For Office!
in JokesGeorge W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first…