Jokes
-
HOT HOT HANDLE HANDLE
in JokesCan you decipher this phrase? HOT HOT HANDLE HANDLE Too hot to handle!
-
How to Give a Pill to a Cat and Dog
in JokesCAT: 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to…
-
A Beer Song! *not For Young Kids!*
in JokesThere once was a girl named Ann Hyser Who claimed that no man could surprise her. But old Pabst made a push at the Schlitz in her Busch and now she is sadder Budweiser! *This joke was made by Bill Klompus* Go Bill!!
-
Daddy’s Gonna Eat Your Fingers
in JokesAs I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said,…
-
A Real Groaner!
in JokesQ: What did the little chick say when his mom laid an orange? A: Look at the orange-mama-lade!
-
Going Nuts
in JokesA blonde goes to the store and gets a box of almonds. As she is allergic to nuts, she asks a clerk at the counter, “Does this contain nut ingredients?”
-
More Doctor Bloopers
in JokesAdditional quotes made by physicians in actual medical records: 1. Discharge status: alive but without permission. 2. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. 3. The patient refused an autopsy. 4. The patient has no past history of suicides. 5. Patient has left his white blood cells at another…
-
Ugly Person
in JokesA very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no one will come near me, and everyjoke laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?” “I’m sure I can,” the psychiatrist…
-
AN OLD MAN
in JokesAn old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife,…