Jokes
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Talkin’ Walkin’ Kids
in Jokes“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.” -Phyllis Diller
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Kind of Makes You Think 15
in JokesWhy do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
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Chuck Norris Facts: 15
in JokesChuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.…
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Armenian Radio
in JokesArmenian Radio was asked: “Is it true that conditions in our labor camps are excellent?” Armenian Radio answers: “It is true. Five years ago a listener of ours raised the same question and was sent to one, reportedly to investigate the issue. He hasn’t returned yet; we are told he liked it there.”
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Ugly Contest
in JokesYo momma’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals…”
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Damn English!
in JokesHusband messages his wife on his cellphone: Hi, wat R U doing honey? Wife replies: I’m dying Husband is delighted and jumps with joy, but texts: OMG! How am I gonna live without u? Wife replies: u idiot. I’m dying my hair Husband: *@&!#*/ English
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Blonde Driving
in JokesQ: How can you tell when a blonde has been driving your car? A: There is lipstick on the steering wheel from her blowing the horn.
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At the Military Base
in JokesIt was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: “Ames” “Here!” “Jenson” “Here!” “Jones” “Here!” “Magersky” “Here!” “Seeback” No answer. “Seeback!” No answer was heard again. “SEEBACK!!!” The troops remained totally silent. At that point, someone whispered…
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Gift Giving
in JokesOne year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
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An Easy B
in JokesA professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. “I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets…
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My Neighbor
in JokesMy neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn’t have to worry about a will. He said, “Will? What will? I’m making a list of the people I…